My Unlikely Best Friend

Chapter 47

Thomas' P O V

As I laid on my bed, facing the smooth, white ceiling, envy and anger erupted within me after I saw them hanging out together on that small swing set outside. I tried to play it cool, though, because I knew that Dawn wouldn't have liked if I were to start something with him. That'd probably piss her off so much if I had. She most likely wouldn't want to talk to me after that, so I didn't risk it.

Irked, I rubbed my forehead and eyes; they were probably glowing bright red by the time I finally decided to flop my arm beside me. I honestly couldn't get over the fact, about how I thought that I would never have to see the likes of him again. Unfortunately, I was mistaken.

He was next door, in my neighbor's backyard, talking to Dawn; and I swear I'm not this jealous of a person. It's just that there's something odd about that Adam, dude. Why whenever I see him, he's always wearing that same white hoodie? He doesn't really like people seeing his face, is that it? Hmh, does he even wash the thing? I bet it smells absolutely disgusting. And has Dawn... or anyone else seen him without it on? If not then why?

Wait a minute... what's wrong with me? I need to stop. I'm probably just overthinking things too much.

Eventually, I pushed him out of my mind, because the only thing he was capable of doing, right now, was raising my blood pressure. I then decided to just close my eyes and dive into deep thought about things; thinking about my life—thinking about the things that made me happy, the things that made me sad.

My imagination went directly toward Dawn and her beautiful smile. Her soft brown eyes and lightly freckled face complemented her wonderfully. My heart leaped high within me at the thought of her, causing me to grip my chest in hopes to make it settle down.

I thought about how she looked in that gorgeous dress she wore to cotillion, and how it flowed so gracefully, controlling the cool air around her. And though it wasn't much, she still had a cute shape and I admired it with all of me.

Remembering the touch of her soft hands as we danced, some time ago, was enough to make me smile widely. I even giggled to myself, craving for her touch again—longing for her touch to be mine. I wanted to hold her for the longest time, to caress her check, and to just tell her how I felt about her. But there's a few things that's keeping me from doing so.

For one, I didn't want to be selfish and pile more stress on her; and then there's Adam. What if she liked him more than me? And also, she's ill; and it's unknown if she'll even make it very long with all the future treatments she told me about. What if she... what if she won't make it?

She's gotten so much smaller and more fragile throughout the time she's been out of school. The reality of her possibly dying scared me so much, that sometimes I couldn't get the sleep that I needed at night, because I'd just stay in bed, paralyzed with fear as I gazed through the thick darkness, at the ceiling, thinking about the worst case scenario. I know my thoughts shouldn't be focused on the bad all the time but I can't help it. I swear I can't.

I'm worried for her. Who wouldn't be?

Is this love I'm feeling toward her or... is it just a strong liking? I'm not so sure because I don't think I ever truly fell in love with someone before. Sure, when I was with a girl, I'd feel something similar to the way I felt toward Dawn, but I knew that it wasn't love. I was just getting what I wanted and nothing else.

They never completely satisfied this forever embedded abyss in my heart, like I stupidly thought they would, so I simply just let them go. I already knew that it was impossible for it to be filled but I was so desperate for relief; even if it was only for a few hours.