esoteric ↯ dean winchester x reader

lxxxvii.

"Is he right?" Sam asked.

"Oh, I'm not getting into it with him. Not gonna happen." Dean started walking away a bit.

"Hey, Dean. We opened up in front of you, I think it's only fair that you talk honestly to my daughter for once. About how you really feel." Michael stood up for you, you felt slightly uncomfortable being put on the spot now with God and Michael watching.

"Michael—" You started but Dean slammed his hand down on the table.

"I tried to kill her." Dean said with conviction to Michael, he felt the need to prove his loyalty to you, "And it didn't work."

"Maybe it didn't work because you didn't want it to work. Maybe you didn't want to kill her." Chuck suggested. You were already feeling your emotions and trust for Dean falling apart second by second. He doesn't make it easy to love him like you do.

"You want God to kill Amara because you don't want Amara to be killed?" Sam clarified, he glanced to you at the end and caught the look of heartbroken.

"Yeah, maybe there's a part of me that just can't hurt her. But if she's already dead—" Dean started walking away and wiped his face and frustration.

  "Then she's already dead. Right." You finished for him. Your heart sinking to your feet, and you didn't even really know why. Just the way it was discussed, like he had real feelings for her.

"Well, that got weird." Chuck looked between you and Dean. You could tell Michael wasn't satisfied.

"Dean... We always sweat this stuff, these choices." Sam comforted his brother, "But, for once, we have God on our side. I mean, for once, we can actually just do things his way."

There was a silence among the boys, Chuck only nodded in response. You cleared your throat in the awkwardness and got up.

"I think everyone's had enough for one day, so I'm going to bed and you guys should too." You said almost robotically and so emotionally exhausted you wished you could cut that part out entirely.

You got up and left the incredibly intense room. You didn't know who would follow you first, Dean or Michael, and honestly you hoped it would be neither. You wanted to just sleep.

Sure enough you heard footsteps following you, you didn't bother to turn around, just responding with a middle finger over your shoulder and a witty: "Just because I don't have powers right now doesn't mean I can't kill you. Goodnight."

It wasn't until about an hour in of you just laying there in your bare bed, unable to get the image of Dean and Amara out of your head or the thoughts of what life would've been like if Michael really was able to raise you. But most importantly, realizing you forgot your snacks.

You snuck out of your room, your feet tingling on the bunker's tiled floor. You got all the way to the library without being noticed. Until you made eye contact with the blue eyes of your father.

"Oh, uh, hi." He actually stuttered, for once his face wasn't hard and cold. You noticed that about him. Ever since he got out of Amara's grasp his face was much softer towards you. Much less of a raging dickhead.

"Hi, I just forgot my snacks." You explained, going to where they had been moved onto a side table.

"Those are important." Michael nodded, flipping through his book of lore.

"Yup." You popped your p, but before leaving the room you stopped. You were in this position where you could go on living, not knowing what it was like to have a relationship with your father, or you could at least try to get to him and understand him in some way. You wondered what Dean would do, he always said how much he wished he could've had a relationship with his mom, have the chance to be a child and meet his Dad on better terms. You had the opportunity, it's not something you just throw away.