Just Another Jackass (Johnny Knoxville)

Confused as fuck

Chapter 20

I had no idea what the hell to do. My heart was telling me go and my head was telling me stop. So what the hell was I supposed to do? I mean yeah Johnny and I had fooling around but that's just what it was, fooling around. I knew if I carried on I would get hurt. I always get hurt.

After last night Johnny fell asleep as I stared at the ceiling and thought of everything going on right now. I was grateful for all the new friends I made and I was happy. Then I thought of Kevin getting all creepy and aggressive. Would he do anything or was that just an empty threat? I have no idea.

I was kind of scared of what was to come after the movie comes out. I already don't like attention drawn to me and that night when I went out with Knoxville, all those flashes and people yelling scared the living shit out of me. But I wouldn't trade anything to be here right now. I felt loved and like I belonged for once in my life.

This morning was kind of weird. It's like whenever we have sex, we just act like nothing happened and go on being friends and joke around. It seems like it comes easy to Johnny which is why me head is telling me to run for the heels and stop this shit. For me on the other hand its shit to act like we never did it because to me it wasn't just sex. I was busy falling and I was falling hard for my best friend.

I was falling in love with Johnny Knoxville and I didn't want to because I knew he didn't see me that way. I think he understood wrong when I told him last night that I really liked him. I think I just need to kind of distance myself from him which won't be easy because we're together on set like all the time. I sighed and shook my head to rid myself of these thoughts as we piled into the vans to leave for FCI Terminal Island.

"Are you ok Cay?" Steve-o asked as I sat down next to him in the van.

"Yeah I'm good" I lied while putting on a fake smile "Just a little nervous about today" I said and he bought it.

"Don't be man, we're going to have some fun and you will forget about everything" he said with a smile giving me a side hug.

"I hope so" I mumbled as I put my head on his shoulder. I sighed and closed my eyes as we drove to FCI. I was in the van with Trip, Dimitry, Dave, Steve-o, Pontius and Ehren. Once we got to Dickhouse I kind of avoided Johnny at all costs. Hence why I'm driving with these guys and not him. Dunn questioned me about it but I just shrugged it off.

"So Trip" I said smiling as I sat forward to make some conversation. I was bored and this drive was taking way too long. The guys were talking about girls and shit and yeah, not my type.

"So Cay" he said with an amused smile and raised eyebrow.

"What can you tell me?" I asked and chuckled at my stupidity.

"Are you bored?" he asked me as he turned in his seat from the front to look at me.

"Sadly yes" I said with a pout and rested my chin on his seat. He laughed and shook his head.

"Why aren't you riding with Johnny? You and Knoxville are pretty inseparable. And if you're not with him you're with Dunn?" he asked. I sighed inwardly but a smile on and just shrugged.

"I felt like driving in this van today" I heard the guys laugh at some sex story Steve-o told them from experience "Which was a mistake I figured." I laughed and Trip joined in and looked at Dimetri that was concentrating on the road.

"Yeah these guys get a tad too much sometimes." he nodded and Dimitry snorted.

"A tad?" he said while laughing.

"Oh come on Dimitry. If you could you would join them in the conversation. Don't act all innocent here" I said narrowing my eyes at him pointing my finger at him. He laughed and shook his head.