esoteric ↯ dean winchester x reader

xxiv.

"Let anyone into my world like this. Not just tell a woman about it but actually let you be apart of it, stand next to me in this crap load. Sammy once asked if I'd ever even consider having a relationship with somebody still as a hunter. And I tried and it never worked. I don't know why I thought it might work now." He turned away from you.

"Dean, what are you saying?" You looked up to him then, finally looking into his eyes.

"I'm saying that if this is what its going to be, where you can't look at me, or touch me or have anything to do with me. Maybe whatever this is should end. Sorry I ever pulled you into this." Dean stepped back and you immediately wanted to pull him back in.

"Wait, Dean, please." You begged.

"You know I'd never hurt you right? This Mark may be strong but I would never let myself hurt you." Dean put his last two cents in, turning around.

"I know." You nodded.

"You know." Dean got it, licking his bottom lip and shaking his head in frustration. You weren't scared of him. Just had done a lot of work of convincing yourself you didn't like him anymore, and it was falling apart, "That makes it even worse."

"Would you stop blaming yourself?" You pulled his attention back, "I'm not scared of you. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm half Angel there's not much you even can do to kill me."

"Then what are you scared of?!" Dean was losing it.

"The only other thing in this bunker thats radioactive!" You blew up, tired of keeping this from him. You couldn't afford to lose him again, avoiding him was stupid, "I touched you and I accidentally popped into your brain. I had no idea I could do that! And I saw the way you looked at me when you woke up, you were scared. I scared you. And I get that. Because what if I touch you and you just explode or something. I can't touch anyone because it's like I'm just a ticking time bomb getting powers that I can't control faster and faster." You held your head and he walked back to you.

He grabbed you, you tried to push him off but it wouldn't work because you really didn't want to. He held your head into his chest, kissing the top of your forehead. As you quietly took him in, missing the feeling of his body close to you, the way his arms knew exactly where to pull you closer, the way he smelled.

"I'm not scared of you." He whispered, cradling you, "I know you won't hurt me."

~

"The First Blade is back in play and Crowley is the one getting it?" Castiel came in through the front door, his eyes breathing fire. The boys had just gotten home from convincing Crowley to retrieve the First Blade but not give it until you guys need it. You had been reading in the bunker all day. "I don't mean to be an alarmist, but you –"

"Yeah well, you know us." Dean walks in from the library, holding a beer bottle. "When we screw ourselves we like to go whole hog."

"This would be the Crowley who let the Blade turn Dean into a demon?" Castiel walks down the stairs into the war room.

"I don't have a choice, 'kay? I don't do this, I'm down the rabbit hole. Hear evil, see evil, do evil. The trifecta." Dean explained to Cass.

"Castiel, look. Let us worry about this. You've got enough on your plate with Claire." You stretched your legs, and tried to calm your Angel friend.

"Claire is gone." Cass sighed.

"Gone where?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, I – I should have stopped her. But I am certain that she is destined for more trouble and disappointment. She is so... so full of rage." Castiel looked down and leaned against a chair, deeply troubled.

"I'm sorry, Cass. If I could make it better I would." You offered.

"It's actually why I'm here. I was hoping you might reach out to her." He asked you.

"Me?" You rose an eyebrow, genuinely surprised.

"Yes." He nodded.

"Seriously, I'm probably one of the last people she wants to hear from." You were uncomfortable.

"I thought there would be a connection." Castiel genuinely contemplated, "One extremely messed up human to another, you could explain why Dean murdered her only friend."

"Oh, well, yeah. Except that I'm really only half human so, I can only half relate." You rubbed the back of your head.

"All I know..." Castiel stood opposite you, "is she won't talk to me. I thought if she understood the kind of man Randy was and the danger she was in, she might..."

"Why not? Long shots seem to be the theme around here." You sighed giving into Castiels need.

"Well, if that's all sorted out." Dean stood up, "I'm gonna go make a sandwich."

"Oh, can you make me one please?" You grabbed his arm, proud of yourself for having the courage to.

"Sure." He kissed your cheek and continued on his way.

"I'll, uh – I'll text you her number." Cass told you.

"Okay." You shrugged, confused by his face.

"I like texting." Cass was waiting for Dean to leave the room. "Emoticons?"

"He seems calm." Cass returned to his normal self once Dean left, "Considering the effects of the Mark. Metatron in proximity."

"Too calm." Sam agreed. You breathed out shakily.

"I think he's worried.." you whispered a confession you had been sitting on for a while, "about what'll happen if he pops the cork."