This shouldn't happen to anyone else!

Chapter 20

Peej Pov

It been a month since Sam tried to commit suicide. She has been in a coma ever since that day. Every since that night I have not left her side for longer then 5 minutes as I do have to use the toilet at some point. The doctor told me that She has a month to wake up and if she doesn't then I have to make the choice of turning of the life support machine or not.

Chris, Dan and Phil have been taking it in turns to stay with me and Sam over night. I did tell them that it's fine for them to shower, change and sleep and eat in the own homes but I want to leave her side.
"Peej it's been a month since you last had a wash and you have to get a comfortable sleep. If anything happens we will call you. Now go and rest a bit I am sure Sam would not want to see you looking like a mess now do you." Chris said to me.
"Yeah I suppose your right. But I don't want to do this all the time." I said. I then proceeded to kiss the top of Sam's head before I left. I walked out of the hospital for the first time in a month. I decided to walk back to the flat as I need the air and time to think.

Once I reached the flat go got my key out my pocket, unlocked the door and walked inside. After I had closed the door I went into my room and got some fresh clothes. I walked to the bathroom on the first night Sam was in hospital Dan and Phil kindly cleaned the bathroom of any evidence of what happened. This was as I could not face it my self. So I looked at my self in the mirror to see how much I had let myself go. I quickly diverted my gaze away from the mirror and got in the shower. After I had my shower and changed I made my way to Sam's room.

I walk into her room and the first thing I see is her suicide note on her bed. I know it is bad to read it as it will probably make me cry but I want to see what her final thought were.

When I open the note the first thing I saw was the tear stains down the note. She had set it out into different little notes.

Hello, well if you have found this note then I will be dead. If you are Pj , Chris, Dan, Phil, James, Jamie or Seph then keep reading this. If not then who are you and what are you doing in my room in my family home.
Right now where was i ah.

Dear Chris, Dan and Phil,
Thank you for being there for me and Pj when things were tough. Thanks for all the happiness you gave to me, it also really good of you to have let me in when you did not know who I was or anything about me other than me being Pj sister.
Anyway please look after Pj when I am gone don't let him do anything stupid.
And Chris make sure you love him as long as you live and don't you dare break his heart.

Dear Jamie, Seph and James,
Thank you for being there for me when things got a bit hectic. You made me feel excerpted when everyone else was excluding me from everything. You guys saved me from a life of hell by just being my friends so for that thank you. Don't beat yourself up about this ever as it was not you fault. Anyway thank you for every thing.

And last but no mean lest, Peej. I am so sorry for doing this to you I just did not know what else to do you see I am depressed and I have these voices in my head and the tournament me they tell me things, horrible things if I don't listen to them they shout at me until I do as they say and they told me to do this. But it ok everything they say is right. Enjoy you life you deserve it don't follow me don't do anything stupid. My life was not worthy of anything but yours on the other hand is helping others they best you can. Don't blame yourself for this it was not you fault it just had to happen. Don't think you should of spotted it earlier as I don't think it's easy to spot. don't dwell on my death I am not worth you worry. Thank you for every thing you have every done for me. Thank you big brother!

Yours forever Sam xxx

Why did she not tell me she felt like that and why dose she believe that she is worthless and not to be thought about. I am scared to know how long she has been depressed.

I then fold the note back up and walk around her room looking at her things. I walk over to her desk to see a pile of paper which has been written on. I then pick up the one on top to see it is letters Sam has written everyday up until the day she tried to leave us all.

An hour later and I had read half of the letters Sam has written. In every letter so far she has cut her self every day. I can't believe I did not notice it. I looked over at the clock to see that it is about half nine. So I leave Sam's room and go to my own to sleep. I feel a bit better knowing why she did what she did. But it dose make me even more determined to help her with her day to day feelings rather then anything else. I will also stop her from cutting every again. I will make her feel like she is worth everything to me. As she does deserve to live and to be worried a hell of a lot about.

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Pj know why she did it now. Thanks for reading, please vote or comment if you like. Thanks bye :) :)