The Older We Get

Chapter 74

                "You sure you don't need anything else?!" Trey calls out after I run from his car to my front door, wondering if I'm ok or not.

I can't answer that though. I haven't been able to answer anything since I hung up and begged for us to leave before they even got their food. I've just been in the back seat, clutching onto the door handle, silent, tense and praying to God to keep Sage safe.

To their knowledge, this is all a family emergency.

That's what it is too. Sage is my family. The most important person.

My hands are incapable of holding still; I can't sort through my pockets right now.

"Ah-h!" I drop my keys on the steps and gasp out of surprise. "Come on." Dammit, I didn't even notice until now but my eyes are tearing up to the degree that I can't see clearly. I have to wipe away the starting glaze while struggling to keep it together and find my fvcking key. "Please."

Please.

"Son?" I hear my dad's voice through the door just a second until he opens it letting a huge amount of light from the living room glow onto my frightened face, my blue eyes most likely wide and resembling a deer in headlights. "How'd you get back?" He looks outside and probably sees an empty space where Trey and his brother used to be, snow falling on my cheeks, hair and coat, and it's supposed to be cold, but I still can't feel it.

"They drove me." I grab at my belongings and stand to hurry up inside and shut the door. "Dad, Sage-"

"Son, it's-"

"Tell me what's going on! What else did her mom say?!"

"She called me after they took Sage to the hospital." Dad heaves out a burdened and worried sigh as the resonance of that word begins to make me feel light headed. "Chandler-"

"W-hy-did--" I can't do this. Every smile Sage has ever given me, all the ones that she had anyway, it's all I keep seeing and thinking about right now. What happens if I don't get to see that anymore? What happens then?! When the entire life I have left is spent knowing she's never going to be in it again!? Or even after I'm gone? "Dad-please--" I'm falling so quick into despair, it's unreal.

How?

How can I ask dad to let me leave that?

There don't seem to be enough tactical words to try.

But I can't attempt anything else.

Sage.

Don't leave me all alone.

"Son-"

"Dad I ca-I can't do this anymore. Not after this-" A great swell of emotions stop short at my throat, all of them filling up once I tremble and try to convey how badly I want to forget right now.

I want to leave.

I need to escape.

Whatever anyone wants to call it.

"Let me die- Let me die." I get out just in time for that sentence, those 3 words I repeated, to provoke a wave of quiet which follows me up, forcing my eyes closed so I can officially just give up, just accept everything and surrender, me ready to stop trying after I just ripped my dad's heart out, and I know this is it.