The Older We Get

Chapter 6

               Peeling off my tight shirt, shimmying out of my dark jeans and reaching for a shirt that I used to wear after taking off my bra and unclipping the cloth around my breasts, I crawl onto my bed, exhausted from today, knowing that only tomorrow is the beginning of my last year in school.

               Mom and dad are asleep, so it feels like I'm the only one in the house.

               "Haaa." I groan and stretch, the imprints left around my skin a bit sore from that wrapping and I take a good long look in the mirror at how full my breasts are. My gosh, where did these come from? Oh whatever. "I'm exhausted."

               I wonder if Chandler's gonna be ok now. He fled into his house pretty quickly, even though our last interaction was pretty promising given he gave me his cell number. I remember when he didn't give two sh1ts about texting or calling. Agh. Maybe just seeing him as a whole new person is the only way to cope with him being so different than that kid I used to tease.

               I obviously treat him differently, talking about Joshua, him knowing that I've been with someone. I wonder if he's...no. He may be strange but I'm guessing he's still a virgin.

               Ugh, that's gross Sage.

               "Get THAT out of my head." I sigh, reverting back to the Joshua issue where I think about the latest text he sent me, my thoughts reeling towards the joke suggestion Reen gave me, and I begin to think about yesterday night, how we gave each other 'that look' and slowly afterwards, we were doing everything properly, on his bed, condom and all, my heart beating out of nerves and the situation a little messy but in the end, a hint of pleasure flowed between us, even though I know Josh enjoyed it more than I did.

               Afterwards, I was just wondering if there was supposed to be more to it, and that's when I fought off the idea that I didn't love him.

               Reen says I do. If I think about him and come, maybe that means I'm still attracted to him at least?

               Hmm.

               Honestly, I've never done this before, but awkwardly beginning touch myself, thinking about Joshua and I's first time together, I shift my body, wondering what will happen next, the movement of my fingers rough and I can't get lost in the act since I'm not 'turned on'.

               I'm thinking about sex, and I know that I'm healthy enough to get excited but nothing is happening.

               Am I broken?

               This is stupid.

               What would happen if Joshua saw me? Probably get really awkward and embarrassed. And mom and dad? That just puts me way off this idea. And what about Chandler?

               Chandler he'd-

               "Mm." I whimper, his eyes flashing through my mind before I gasp, stopping immediately and abruptly sitting up, wondering what the heIl just happened.

               "Um..."

-Chandler's P.O.V.-

               "Chandler?" I shut the door, holding onto the handle before slowly turning to see my dad standing in the kitchen light, his face tired and honestly sh1tty looking.

               I don't blame him.

               "I was at the school's office today. Everything should go fine. You're books are upstairs." He meddles with his pockets and I hear a ching of keys rustle. "You check out the gym?"