Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Thirty Eight - Back To November

It has been a week and I half, and I have not yet slept.

I have not yet eaten, and I have not yet spoken to anyone.

But today that's going to change, because I can't take this pain any more, and I need to speak to someone.

I'm afraid to speak to Aiden about it, he is mourning in his own way and I don't want to bother him with my pathetic emotions.

I don't have my Mom any more, but it's time's like these I wish I did. Sometimes a girl needs her mother, but what does she do when she doesn't have one?

I went to her grave one day last week, tried to tell her. But I ended up curled in a ball in the dirt crying hysterically again. I was too worried my own mother would be ashamed of me. So today I'm doing the next best thing. I'm going to my make shift Mother. June.

I knocked her front door lightly, waiting for someone to answer and hoping to god it wouldn't be one of the boys.

She answered, looking relieved to see me. She pulled me into a motherly hug, soothingly smoothing my hair and sat me down on the sofa in the sitting room.

''Sweetheart, how are you feeling?'' she asked me quietly.

''Not good.'' I whispered. It was true, I was having good days and bad days, today was a bad day.

''Talk to me, tell me what's going on inside your head.'' she said, holding my hand tightly and rubbing small circles on my hand.

''I'm so tired...'' I whispered, ''I can't sleep without him...''

''Aiden?'' she asked.

''Yeah...'' I sobbed quietly. My dad is being strict with his rules, so even though he knows I need Aiden he thinks he's doing what's best.

''Shh...'' she comforted, holding me to her again. ''I don't know what your dad is trying to stop. The worst has already happened.'' she said.

I just cried quietly onto her shoulder, wishing that I would wake up, that this was a dream and it would all be over soon.

''I just...I feel so empty...'' I sobbed.

''I know sweety I know.'' June said, sounding as though she was crying with me.

She kissed the top of my head and held me tight, rubbing circles on my back and trying to sooth me, but I just felt so weak, like I had no control over my body any more.

June held me for a while longer, just whispering comforting words in my ears, making me feel that slightest bit better.

She was my Mother now.

When I had calmed down, she wanted to speak to me about my relationship with Aiden.