Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Twenty Nine - Shut Up And Drive

I opened my eyes slowly, not really wanting to. I was having a pretty cool dream and didn't want it to end. I could feel the cold biting at my feet, which were poking out the bottom of the bed. I couldn't wait till it got warmer again, it was bloody cold and I hated it.

I climbed out of bed, stumbling a little and ran a hand over my face and through my hair tiredly, heading strait to my en suit to have a shower, hopeful to warm up a bit and wake up some more.

School started back last Monday, it was Saturday today and I didn't intend on doing much.

That whole thing with Hannah and Christian had blown over thankfully. Hannah was taking it surprisingly well, not dwelling on what happened, forgetting about it and moving on. I was really proud of her for being able to do that, she was so much stronger than I first thought. Granted, when it happened she was terrified – that's why she freaked out and just wanted to be held. But she's been keeping her head held high and not letting the bastard get to her.

Yeah, he hasn't even showed up to school this past week, too afraid of what people will say or do, probably afraid of me. I know I got him good, last I heard he had a broken nose, two black eyes and a couple' cracked ribs. Teach that ass hole for even thinking what he tried to do to Hannah. I didn't give a shit that he was drunk, he hurt her for no fucking reason.

Something happened to me that night, something that shouldn't have, something that couldn't have, something I wish I could take back but it's too late now. Holding Hannah in my arms that night, watching her sleep as the days events replayed in my head I realised something. Something I never thought would ever happen to me.

I was in love with Hannah.

And she didn't love me.

How ironic? I can get any girl I want, every girl will fall to their feet for me but one, the one I ended up in love with. The one I couldn't get out of my fucking head. The one I could never have anyway.

I've been trying my best to act normal around her, she doesn't need any more stress than what she's already had this week. She got pissed at me when she found out how beat up Christian was. I had to laugh at her angry little face, the way she had to look almost vertically up to see my face but yet she was standing her ground, showing me who was boss. And you know what? I took it. I would never take it from any other girl, hell I don't even take it from my Mom! But Hannah? Got me pussy whipped. And good.

I groaned and sighed loudly as the warm water began splashing down my tense back muscles. I can't tell her, she'll laugh in my face. We can never be together and she wouldn't want to even if we could. This is a physical thing, we silently agreed on that when we started using each other for sexual needs. It's just what happened and she's fine with that, happy the way it was. Why did I have to be so fucking stupid and go and change that? Just last week I was laughing at Luke for this. I was being pathetic.

I stayed in the shower for about an hour, until my skin began to go a little prune and I realised I'd been having an internal battle for ages. I dried off, changing into a pair of old jeans, and a plain white t-shirt. Today I was fixing my car, it got fucked up somehow so it needed fixed since it's still not dry enough to ride my bike yet – there's still some remains of snow and ice.