The Older We Get

Chapter 69

"And now?"

"Escape pod."

"Escape from what?" Gosh sometimes he's so odd.

"Out there, beyond the walls where people have different goals than to just get a degree at the end of their years here." We make our way into the next building. "Life isn't as pretty when you grow up. I used to think it was and I know still know it can be, but sometimes I don't have anyone to remind me of it." My friend speaks in the most happy way about a subject that would put others in depression just at the idea of having to go through that phase as well.

I can't say I'm used to him being this sincere about a topic but it's not something I wouldn't expect from him.

"I used to not want to grow up."

"Oh. Is that why you haven't then?"

"Knock it off; I'm trying to be profound!" I use my knuckles on his arm.

"My bad. Carry on and wow me, Sage."

"Thank you, as I was saying, well, cutting to it, tons of people want to stay young right? But the thing is, they see growing up as a negative because they only look at the people who did a sh1tty job of it."

"So far I'm with you."

"Well, growing up just means the things that used to matter like playing with Barbie dolls on the carpet, or in your case maybe superheroes, perhaps even Bob The Builder, isn't the most in life for you. If you don't grow up," I pause when we rush to get inside an elevator, the smell abundant and like all other elevators I've ever been in, this one a bit dim in color but still clean and up to date. "Think of all the things you'll never get to be. Without responsibility, you don't get amazing things to take care of. Without hardship, you don't acquire experience and fruits of hard labor. I should say, I'm partially quoting this." I blush a little when Logan leans on the wall, pushing the 5 on the button rack before crossing his arms and smiling at me like he's amused. "Well, basically that. Right?"

If Chandler stayed a kid forever, he wouldn't be able to dream about doing all the things he wants to do with his life.

If I had stayed a kid forever and didn't dare to take on responsibility for my own life, I'd still be reading the latest issue on doctoring techniques and pretending to have surgeon role models when in reality I'd be dreading the thought of hearing their names at dinner.

Even though, I'm still wondering what to do now that I have a shred of my future to myself.

Mostly it just feels like it went from my mother's hands, out into who knows where and I don't know how to get it back.

I have no clue what to do with my life.

Mom still thinks I'm going to be in a physical trainer job, maybe I will, but, I've been avoiding even thinking about the subject because it just makes me remember that confession I gave to Chandler about not being as excited about sports and so on compared to way before.

Sort of feels like I trapped myself since I thought it up now.

"And what if someone tries to knock you down?" Logan's voice comes out like he's just curious of my take on things.

Ha.

"I once heard someone say that life is about challenging your beliefs. Not keeping yourself locked up and afraid to be wrong or prove that you're right. So I guess if I'm gonna be knocked down, I'll have to be humble enough to know when I'm wrong, but proud enough to always get back up again."