Just the two of us (book 2)

Chapter 65 I can't do this anymore

Marshall just stands there while me and Jake just look at him, it's so awkward and I don't think that even me and Jake dare to say anything.
"Maybe I should leave." Jake breaks the silence. Apparently the awkwardness gets to much for him but I just wanna hit him for saying that, because now I know that Marshall will get even more suspicious.
"Yeah you should." Marshall says as he gives him an evil stare when he walks past him. I get so embarrassed because Marshall is so rude towards Jake, I think that Marshall has already forgotten how Jake tried to safe his ass! Marshall closes the door after Jake and he looks at the flowers and the chocolate again.
"So we get into an argument and then Jake comes by smothering you with flowers and chocolate?" He asks me and he's so intimidating when he's like this.
"Those are from Tasha and Lucas." I say as I roll my eyes. "Look at the card." Marshall walks over and sits down on the chair Jake just sat on.
"What was he doing here?" He asks me coldly.
"Marshall you need to drop it." I warn him because this doesn't make his situation better. I'm so angry with him and I'm not gonna stand his bullshit right now.
"Why don't you just answer the question Amelia?" He asks me.
"He was here to check on me." I answer him.
"It's funny how he's here to check on you when I'm not here." He points out which makes me roll my eyes in annoyance again.
"Why are you here Marshall?" I ask him.
"I thought you had broken up with me until Doodie came over today and told me otherwise." He says. Now he just thinks that it's all okay? He's a fucking piece of shit.
"It doesn't mean that we're cool." I say.
"Don't you think I know that?" He frowns.
"No I don't think you're aware of how much you really stepped in it." I say now as I move tabletop away as I'm not even hungry now.
"What are you talking about?" He asks.
"You made it a hell lot more worse when you decided to stay away for two days knowing very well that I couldn't contact you in any way." I serve it to him.
"I thought you had broken up with me Amelia." He says.
"Exactly Marshall! You wouldn't even fight for it or be there for me as a friend." I say.
"Then it was a good thing that Jake came by." He smirks which makes my anger rise, I've had enough of this.
"Just fuck off Marshall, I'm done with this." I sigh and sadness comes over me but I refuse to show it.
"So now you're breaking of with me? For real?" He asks.
"Clearly I'm not that important to you so why do you care?" I ask him.
"Are you fucking stupid or something? I think I've showed you just how much you mean to me!" He raises his voice now.
"If you're intention is just to yell of me then I think you should leave." I say and Marshall rub his face, it looks like he hasn't slept for days.
"Then don't say stupid shit Amelia." He hisses.
"It's not stupid shit Marshall. If you really like deeply loved me then you wouldn't had stayed away after what I've been through. It's now I need you the most, now is not the fucking time to bail on me, how could you fucking leave me here when you know how shitty I feel inside?" I ask him.
"I just thought I would let you cool down." He sighs.
"Fuck you Marshall because you just made it a lot worse." I hiss.
"You were the one who asked me to leave Amelia." He says.
"Do you really think that it was what I really wanted Marshall? Because then you're seriously stupid." I roll my eyes at him.
"I can't read your fucking mind Amelia." He sighs.
"But how could you leave me here? 5 days ago I was abused and nearly raped, do you understand that?" I ask him as I have my doubts since he could treat me like that.
"Do you think you're the only one who suffers from this shit?" He now frowns.
"I think I'm the one who suffers the worst." I say.
"Of course but don't you think this shit affects me too?" He asks and I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. He wasn't the one being traumatized so how can it affect him? The only thing he needs to do is be there for me but apparently it's too much to ask.
"Apparently not since you bailed on me." I break the silence anyway.
"I didn't fucking bail on you! But you don't fucking.."
"Don't yell at me!" I cut him off as it hurts me when he yells.
"No Amelia you need to listen now." He says as he fortunately stops yelling at me. "I'm the one who needs to be strong right now and I don't think you're aware of how hard it is to keep strong, when you found your fucking girlfriend bend over a bed with her pants down, beaten. I don't think you're aware how hard it is that my girlfriend nearly got raped. I don't know how to fucking comfort you and neither do I know how to progress this shit. I try so hard to fucking protect you all the time and I realized how much I failed that when I saw you laying there. I don't know how to progress that I would have killed a man if the police hadn't showed up." I'm totally lost for words when he says that because I haven't realized that Marshall felt like that, Marshall just comes out so strong which does that you don't see his real pain.
"I didn't know that." I just say.
"No because you can't read my mind like I can't read yours." He says.
"But it's still no excuse for staying away." I say.
"I know that baby but.."
"No don't baby me." I cut him off as I'm still very disappointed in him. "I'm so angry and I don't understand why you stayed away, it just doesn't make sense."
"I said some fucked up shit about those court cases and I didn't think you would see me." He says and it surprises me that he realized that he said some stupid shit about those court cases.
"And what did you think was gonna happen?" I ask him and my eyes gets watery. Did he think that I would be okay with him staying away? Did he think that it would make things better?
"I don't know Amelia, I wasn't thinking clearly, alright? I've just locked myself up in the studio for two days." He says.
"I don't think you are aware of what I've been through emotionally for the past two days. I even got into a really bad argument with Tasha today because I was so moody about this whole thing between me and you." I say.
"Look, I'm sorry. Alright?" He apologizes but he should have apologized before, way before.
"That's not gonna cut it Marshall because I already broke up with you in my head when I was just laying here alone." I inform him and I can see that he looks surprised.
"You're breaking up with me?" He asks me.
"Yes it's just like we're a bad cocktail. I predicted that we would have some problems and that we would fight but I never predicted all this. I can't do it like we did when we were younger, I can't just have these bad fight and then just have some make up sex. I can't do it Marshall, I just can't." I say and I feel tears fall from my eyes.
"You can't do this to me Amelia." He sighs and he rubs his face again. "I fucking love you, you can't do this to me."
"I'm sorry." I cry. "I love you so much Marshall but I can't handle it."
"If you just move in then.."
"Then it won't make a difference." I cut him off.
"It will baby, I promise." He says as he takes my hand but I pull my hand away. I wanna be with him so badly but he also needs to understand how disappointed and angry I am right now. I've been so mentally prepared for this the whole day but now that I see him, I just wanna cuddle with him and kiss him, I don't wanna break up with him.
"I can't move in with you Marshall and you need to stop pushing me like that." I say.
"I'll just make things easier Amelia." He sighs.
"No, I need to stand on my own feet for a while. I also have an aunt who's going through some things right now and I promised not to leave her behind." I say.
"But we can buy Rachel a house here in Detroit, it ain't a problem." He says.
"It's not gonna happened." I say. "You've already forgot how much you've disappointed me." It's so easy for him to forget it and it already sounds like he believes that I'm not breaking up with him.
"No Amelia, trust me.. I know I've fucked up and I'll fucking do everything to make it up to you." He says.
"It can't be right that every time you feel rejected you act like this Marshall, it's like everything has to be in your way and if not then hell breaks loose." I confront him.
"I know I have some issues and I'm willing to work on it." He says and he takes my hand to his mouth and kisses it. "Say what you want me to change Amelia."
"I want you to trust me." I say.
"I do trust you." He frowns.
"If you did then you wouldn't be angry about me not wanting to move in, or should I remind your memory with the reaction you had when you walked in here?" I ask him.
"That motherfucker was so hung up on you in high school." He says.
"That motherfucker tried to defend your ass down at the station." I remind him.
"It's just fucking sneaky of him to show up here suddenly when I'm not here." He says and I can see that he tries to hide his anger.
"You know what he actually said?" I ask him now.
"No."
"We talked about love and he said that you and me must be meant for each other because we were drawn to each other after so many years." I tell him what Jake said before Marshall busted in. "I had my doubts and he actually proved a point to me, he was the one who made me think that you might be my true love."
"Might be?" He says. Seriously? I just said all that and that was the only thing he paid attention to.
"The Marshall who practically bailed on me isn't my true love." I say. "That's not the guy I wanna see ever again, because all this shit which is waiting for us now isn't gonna be easy and I don't need a boyfriend who can't stick."
"But I'm here now, ain't I?"
"Yes after Deshaun told you that I didn't break up with you." I say.
"You told to leave so I thought you didn't wanna see me." He says once again.
"Did you honestly think that's what I wanted?" I ask him because I really thought he knew me better.
"I don't know Amelia, I just knew that I had just fucked up real bad." He sighs and there's a moment of silence before he speaks. "Are you gonna give me another chance?" He asks.