You Promised『 jikook 』

【 EDITED 】 Twenty-One

[Edited: August 20, 2017]

***

"Can't You See?"

Jimin couldn't stop thinking about everything that has happened the past few days. Jungkook found out that he's been harming himself. Jungkook kissed him and saved him. Jimin is now confined in a hospital and he has to stay here for at least a week. His parents wanted to take him to a suicidal thoughts treatment center and rehab but Jungkook protested, saying it would only make things worse for Jimin. The latter honestly didn't care. He didn't care where his parents would take him. He didn't even want to be anywhere anymore. He just wanted to stop existing. He already felt like that. Non-existent, empty, and nothing. How long has he been feeling like that? He doesn't even know anymore. It just feels like his whole life.

Jungkook didn't want Jimin to go to a rehab because he wanted to solve this all by himself. He wanted to help Jimin by himself. It's selfish, it really is. But he wants to be the only one to know everything about Jimin, his mind and his heart. He wants to help him and he wants to be the first one to be able to bring that perfect, sunshine smile back on his hyung's face again.

Then, in exchange of not taking Jimin to a treatment center, Jungkook promised to Jimin's parents that he'd do anything to make Jimin feel better and to help him overcome his depression. But to Jimin, it wasn't just depression. It was something more, something worse. And his suicidal thoughts and actions? They weren't just paces of his depression or anything stupid like that. They were Jimin's addiction, his salvation. The only thing that could make him feel alive. But that's ridiculous, because the only thing that could keep him alive was by hurting and slowly killing himself. It wouldn't make sense, really, so Jimin never told anyone about it. No one would understand him and it's not like he ever expected someone else to.

Jimin checked his phone, waiting for a message from a certain someone.

'This is ridiculous,' he thought to himself. 'What the fuck am I doing? We're not dating. He only cared for me that night and yesterday because he felt responsible for it . . . for some reason. He doesn't care anymore and that's for the better.'

He can't let Jungkook lead him on and then just leave him in the end. He's sick of that. He's sick of being left alone. He has suffered enough to know there is no such thing as that bullshit "happily ever after."

Why would Jungkook kiss him anyway? He's hopelessly in love with Emma, a girl he has adored ever since middle grade. And Jimin? He's just his introvert friend that nobody really likes except for Taehyung. He's completely nothing compared to Emma. He will never be number one in Jungkook's heart.

That's all that Jimin thinks about and that's all he wants to believe.

***

"Hyung . . ." Jimin woke up to Jungkook shaking him.

"Jungkook? What're you doing here?"

"Came here to tell you some good news . . ."

"Oh . . ."

"And of course, I wanted to see you." Jungkook gave him such a bright smile and it only caused Jimin's heart to ache. God, he just loves him so much and seeing how beautiful he truly is and knowing he'll never be Jimin's, just makes everything worse.

Jimin turned to look away and just stared at the window. It was snowing. Jimin had always loved the snow. It's horribly cold but it's beautiful when it covers the floor, the streets, and literally everywhere. There's not much sunshine during winter so it's a little dark outside but the snow brightens everything up. It makes everything beautiful, and how Jimin wanted to be something like that. Something like snow or sunshine, that could bring light to other people. But he was the dark. He was full of darkness, still, he wanted to be something as beautiful . . . but he knew he can never be.