His

25. Death

" My life was a mess "

Justin's POV

*One Month Later*

I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't go on living and pretending. I was drowning and Kiera wasn't here to save me. Not this time and not ever. It was only myself I had to blame. I had done this. I didn't know what to do anymore. I felt so dead inside, so lonely and so ashamed of what I had done. I didn't want to live without her. I couldn't live without her.

My life was a mess. Paparazzi was going crazy with my recent "rebellions" and Scooter wasn't any better. He didn't know what to do with me anymore and neither did the crew. I was out of control. Yet I couldn't get myself to care about anything. I was drinking regularly to take the pain away, getting stoned when I could hoping that it would bring the numbness I so desperately wanted and needed, sleeping around to try and distract myself, being rude to my Beliebers because of my unhappiness, and yelling and going off at paparazzi because I was hurt and mad and depressed. The list goes on. I was definitely not the poster boy for Hollywood as I once was.

I used to have it all together. I use to be perfect. Have the perfect life, talk the talk, walk the walk and managed to keep my "small town kid made it big" image and not get a big head or be prideful and bratty towards the crew, paparazzi and fans. But it didn't matter one ounce to me. Not anymore. It didn't matter how the paparazzi painted me as going off the deep end, it didn't matter to me that my fans were losing faith in me or that the crew was beginning to dislike working with me. My life didn't matter anymore.

You see, everything a vampire did was for their mate. Because somewhere, somehow down the line, when a vampire found their mate, they would be positioned exactly right so that our mates had no other choice but to fall in love. From our looks, to our jobs and our personalities. We fulfilled everything that a mate would ever want. And that's what had kept me going through all the fame and lights. Knowing that someday I would find her. And all that I had achieved and done I could give to her and make her happy and be what she wanted. But that wasn't going to happen any time soon or at all.

She was gone now. Forever. So everything just ceased to matter. It was all nothing. I was nothing.

She was back living her life, hanging out with friends, shopping, spending time with her parents and even- even dating... And it hurt. So much.

"I'm sorry Kiera. I'm so sorry. I love you. Please- please forgive me." I say, tears falling down my face as I struggle to down a bottle full of sedatives, blood from my cuts already getting everywhere as I start to bleed out.

"I'm so sorry Kiera. I love you so much." I whimper again, feeling the pain and medicine race through my system and pull me under.

This was it. I was going to die.