His

77. Strong Enough

  "I- I wasn't strong eough... I- I failed."  

Kiera's POV

Coming slowly to consciousness I'm met with an annoying beep sound in the back ground, the feeling of a hard body behind me and the sensation of someone licking my neck repeatedly.

"Jay? Why are you licking me?" I ask a bit sleepily, attempting to roll over, only to have Justin's arms restrain me gently.

"Kiera!?" Justin asks in surprise, the licking pausing for a second.

"Mmmhmm. Wh- what?" I yawn out exhausted, unwilling to open my eyes as I expect to feel the familiar throbbing pain in my head and body.

"Baby you're awake!" Justin says his voice weak with relief, as he digs his face into the crook of my neck, breathing me in.

"Wh- what happened? Why am I here Jay?" I whine lightly, noticing for the first time I was lying on a bed in a hospital room and I felt like I had just run ten marathons in a row; I just felt so exhausted and drained. I literally didn't want to move any part of me, in fact I'm not even sure I could even if I wanted to (which I didn't). However, the familiar pain that usually dominated my mind was greatly reduced, replaced with this new feeling. Not that it was much better.

Now I just needed to figure out how I got here. The last thing I remembered was throwing up in the bathroom with Ryan and Chaz next to me.

"You passed out in Ryan's arms love." Justin says, his nose nuzzling my face every so gently as if he was afraid to break me.

"Oh." I say, the last memories suddenly flashing back through my mind. The cold tile, the burn of my stomach and throat as I threw up, Ryan and Chaz holding my hair and giving me sips of water, the excruciating pain, the blood, Ryan's voice fading in and out, and then nothing.

"You gave us quite the scare baby girl." Justin says, pulling me from my thoughts as his hand gently rubs my side, soothing me.

"Wh- where are Ryan and Chaz?" I ask weakly, attempting to lift my head and look past my side and Justin's shoulder but instead flopping it back down on the pillow; it just took way too much effort.

"Right here sweetie." Ryan says, both of the boys coming into my view.

"So when can I get out of here?" I ask, looking at the guys expectantly.

"Kiera? Love? There's umm- there is something- something at we- the doctor ran a few tests and umm- the results came back." Justin stumbles out awkwardly after a few moments of silence, pulling away to look at me in the face.

"Uhhh okay? That's good right? I mean if the results came back so fast that means I can leave sooner, since we're not waiting around for them..." I say more as a question as I furrow my eyebrows together in confusion and worry. Justin was nervous, and so were the guys. The guys wouldn't look at me in the face for more than a few seconds and were wringing their hands together and Justin kept rubbing the back of his neck and looking away from my face.

"Well umm- not- not exactly... Th- the umm- the test results show that- that you had- umm you had a miscarriage." Justin rushes out all at the end.

"Wh- what?" I say, my jaw dropping to the ground in disbelief as I stare at the guys, the words not computing completely.

"I- I how. A mis- miscarriage?" I stumble out, feeling my body go cold. Miscarriage. I had a miscarriage. That means- that means I had to have been pregnant. I had had a baby inside me. A living, growing baby inside me and I lost it. It had been ours, something Justin and I had created. It would have been his heir and I killed it. I wasn't strong enough. How disappointed Justin must be in me right now. I know he wanted kids, despite his insistence that he wanted whatever I wanted and was willing to wait. But better yet he deserved an heir.

And suddenly everything that I had heard, all the negativity, all the talk at the Royal Court came flooding back. People were wondering when Justin would have an heir. That why would he chose a human mate when he had the chances of a pureblood heir with any vampire female of his choosing? As if because of my other faults, like not being a pureblood vampire or vampire at all, giving Justin an heir would somehow be seen as a way to make up for them. Or at least there was a possibility. It was expected of me and I fell short. I was a failure.

"Baby? Are you okay? Say something please. Tell me what you're thinking." Justin asks, studying my expression carefully.

"I- I- I- Uhhh." I stutter out, unable to say anything else as tears well up in my eyes.

"Aww baby. Shh, shh it's going to be okay. It's okay. Please don't cry love." He coos, immediately pulling me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me securely and pressing loving kisses along my face and neck.

"I- I- I'm so sorry Justin. I- I- I'm so sorry that I- I lost our baby. I know- I know that I- I failed y- you." I finally sob, hiding my face in his chest.

"What!? How could you even think-? No baby. No you didn't fail baby. Shhh it's okay. It's okay, you're okay. Everything will be okay. Please- please stop crying love." He sooths.

"Bu- but I did Justin! That's- that's what everyone says. That- that I'm not worthy of you. Because I'm nothing like Selena or- or the other girls. I'm not a vampire, I'm not a Royal and I'm not a pureblood. I'm just a simple pathetic human. You- you could have had it all with any- any other vampire fe- female of your choosing. But this- this baby, could have been your heir. It would have- have made up for everything else that I- I don't have. You- you deserve that. You wanted kids. I know- I know you did. Even- even if you te- tell me otherwise. And- and I lost the baby. I- I wasn't strong enough. I- I wasn't strong enough... I- I failed." I cry more.

"No Kiera. You're wrong. Look at me. Look at me baby." Justin says firmly, pulling my face up to look at him.

"What?" I croak out, tears still falling down my face.

"I don't want you to ever think that this is what I expect. Because it's not. I love you no matter what. Selena, none of those other girls in the Court even come close to you. They could never hold my attention or love like you do. They don't matter. So what if you're human? You're my human. And yes, I do want kids. Of course I want kids, but only with you. I don't care that you're not some pureblood Royal. You are my mate. And it's always going to be you. I want everything with you, but not this way. Not because you think I expect it and not because you think that's what others expect of you to be worthy of me. That is ridiculous. And to be honest, the baby would have hurt you. Do you understand Kiera? Hurt you. And I will always choose you." He asks, looking me straight in the face.

"Are you su-sure? You- you're not mad?" I ask hiccupping lightly as my sobs die down and I look up at him hopefully.

"No baby. Of course not. I could never be mad at you. I love you so much. It's okay. I know you're going to be upset because of the miscarriage itself but I don't want you to be more upset because you think you've failed me. Its better this way love. This way you won't be hurting anymore. And you'll be healthy again." He reassures, wiping the remaining tears from my face.

"Besides baby, we have all the time in the world. There is no need to rush into things. Now how about you sleep more baby? This stress isn't good for you. You're weak right now. You need the rest." He adds, laying me down gently and cuddling close, pulling the covers over our bodies as I nestle myself against his body.

"Mmmkay." I say, yawning lightly as I close my eyes, resting my head on his chest.

"Sleep now love. The guys and I will stay right here. You're safe. I love you so much baby and my love for you will never change. Everything is going to be alright." I hear him whisper before exhaustion takes over and I'm out.