His

4. Failure

"I disgusted myself."

Justin's POV

Sighing lightly as I drive towards the nearest hospital, I glance over at Kiera sitting in the front seat curled up and sobbing lightly. This was not how I planned on things happening at all. I had literally just flown in from the Billboard Awards, which were horrible by the way, because I got booed, and had been looking forward to slipping in the room and lying beside her and cuddling to forget my last week. Because with her I knew that none of that mattered. I hadn't meant for my temper to get out of hand or her getting hurt. That was the last thing I wanted. I mean seriously, could I be even more of a worse mate than I already was? This was all my fault.

And to see her now, looking physically weaker from not eating and then crying and in pain was absolute torture. I wanted to die. It was my fault she was in pain and scared. My fault. All my fault. I was such a horrible mate. I disgusted myself. She was afraid of me and she hated me. I could feel her every emotion and it hurt that she didn't want me like I wanted her. She was my everything, and I loved her.  I needed her and her touch and love. Couldn't she see that? Couldn't she feel that pull like I did? As a vampire our emotions were deeper than most, we felt things in the inner part of our existence really. And when you had a mate all that mattered was them and their happiness. You would always strive to make them happy and protect them, at any cost.

"Baby. We're here." I say, shutting off the car and looking at her still curled up in a ball.

"I'm sorry love. This wasn't how I had things planned out. I never meant for you to get hurt. I am so sorry. What can I do to make it better and show you that?" I ask, reaching over to pull her into my lap.

Hearing her sob more she just shakes her head, rejecting me again. Why was she rejecting me? Was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough for her? Was I ugly to her or stupid?

"Pl- please love." I beg, my voice breaking. "I- I'm so- sorry." I didn't like that she wasn't talking to me or looking at me, or that she was mad and afraid of me. I just wanted her to love me and show affection and be in my arms and never leave.

"My- my arm hurts." She whimpers out finally.

"Okay love. Come on then." I say sighing lightly before jumping out of the car and picking her up in my arms to tote her into the ER.

"My girl friend broke her arm and she's in a lot of pain." I say to a nurse.

"Okay sir, why don't you go sit down, a nurse will take you back in a few minutes."

"No. How about right now?" I say starring her down, my eyes darkening a bit. I didn't want to wait, Kiera was hurt and in pain. She needed attention, now.

"Yes, yes of course, right this way." The nurse immediately says leading me to a room.

"Thank you." I say as I place Kiera in my lap as I sit down.

"Baby?" I ask after a few more moments, brushing her hair out of her face. Seeing her flinch as she looks up at me I cringe internally. She thought I was going to hit her.

"You don't have to be afraid of me Kiera. I'm not ever, ever going to hurt you." I say looking at her honestly.

"So... Mr. Bieber. You say your girl friend broke her arm." The doctor says, coming in the room, making Kiera jump lightly.

"Yes, she tripped in the bedroom when we were chasing each other around playing." I lie.

"Okay, well let me just take a look at it and then we can get an x-ray and cast." He says sitting in front of her and gently examining her arm. Hearing her hiss in pain I press my lips to her face gently, trying to calm her down.

"It definitely is broken. I need an x-ray to make sure we can place it back correctly so it will heal and I'll prescribe some pain meds. Just follow me." He says standing up. Nodding I pick Kiera up in my arms again and follow him to the other room.

Finally getting out of the ER I place her back in the car and we're off.

"Babe are you hungry?" I ask, driving through the nearest McDonalds.

"I'm going to get you something anyways. You haven't eaten in a week Katie says. You need to eat something. It's not healthy for you. How about some chicken nuggets and fries?" I ask, reaching over to grab her hand with mine, realizing she wasn't going to respond to me. Seeing her shrug I sigh again, ordering them for her anyways.

"Alright, we're going home now love." I say, placing the bag of food next to her, hoping the smell would convince her to eat. Sadly that wasn't the case. Getting back to the house I quickly pick her up again, along with the food and meds and tote her back to the room, setting her gently on the bed.

"Please- please baby. Just, just look at me or say something, please. I- I- I'm so sorry. I- I know you're scared and mad, but I can't live without you. Please, I- I need you." I beg.

"DAMN IT Kiera!? Why won't you fucking look at me?" I snap again, letting my temper get the best of me as I jump off the bed and start pacing, realizing she wasn't going to say or do anything.

"I can give you everything you've ever wanted; I can protect you and make you happy. I fucking love you Kiera! Can't you see that?" I yell, my vampire side starting to get out of control. It wasn't that I was mad at her, I was mad at myself and hurt. Hurt that she didn't feel the same way and frustrated and mad that I wasn't enough for her to want me. Why wasn't I enough!?

Hearing Kiera start crying again I look over at her only to see her curled up in the center of the bed shaking in fear.

"Shit, I- I- I'm so sorry Kiera. I- I don't know. I- I didn't mean to scare you again. I- I just, I'm sorry. Please I'm so sorry. I let my temper get the best of me. I won't hurt you. I'll never hurt you. Don't be a- afraid of me please. I just, I- I don't know how to handle it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not what you want, and I'm sorry you're not happy here." I say, snapping out of my anger as I quickly go over to her side. I scared her again and made her unhappy. Gawd I was an idiot. No wonder she didn't want me. I really was an absolute failure as a mate.