Perspective

Part 34

So much shit happens i feel like when i don't write. I guess that's kind of a good thing, that means I'm doing a little something. 

For starters i went to the bar for the first time with Maria in a long time. Actually that was the first time i even drank that much in a long time. Plus i hit a cart and smoked a bit. I kind of felt a bit peer pressured but also at the same time i wanted to se what would happen to me if i smoked and or drank. I didn't hate it when i was having fun. But there was a point where i honestly kind of wanted to go home. Like home home, not even back to Marias. That was kind of when we ended up playing some darts with some people. Whom i honestly didn't really like. Sometimes i do think Maria is too friendly, especially when she drinks. And it does seem like sometimes she wants me to join her in being extravagant but i know when i am too uncomfortable with certain things. Sometimes i go along with it to see what happens and how i feel but most of the time i don't enjoy extrovert type activity. 

I mean we got invited by the people to a game of darts, at least one of them did. which i wasn't mad about, but then there was 3 people that where going to be play, so like 5 of us. The initial girl who offered to play seemed fine i guess. But then i ended up going outside before we switched from pool to darts with the, and there was a guy out there that was smoking a cart. And then the first girl came out. I honestly don't remember names. But the guy was weird, like kind of the vibes i get from my sister. Usually when i get those vibes, it seems to be accurate. Which does such because i hate being that judge of character, but that kind of vibe specifically is the worst kind for me. Now when i say Casey vibes, its like...they are weird and seem to have a attention seeking vibe. I don't know how describe it, but they where also the dirty people kind of vibe too. The guy for real smelled. And supposedly he was only 20 up in that bar. It was weird. The second girl too had a attitude problem or something. Like she was sitting down and when we started playing, she goes, "oh i don't want to play." But she was going to play before so I don't understand what happened. But she sucked. So the whole time we played we took turns doing "player 4" on the dart board because it was one of those electronic ones. I felt the tension, and it fucking sucked. But after the game was finally over, we went back to pool. There was also a guy that bought a round for the bar and that was nice. But maria brought it upon herself to go and thank him like physically. Like she went to the other side of the bar to hug him or whatever it was. I mean i did poke my head around the corner and say thank you or whatever, but there wasn't no way i was going to go and like talk to him. I don't know, that's just too closed for comfort for me. She i guess i just more out there than I am. 

But when we got home from the bar i kind of just wanted to go hang out with Tone. But it was already late and i knew he would be tired. But like i kind of ate a bit then i really wanted to go to go upstairs. I kind of was closing my eyes a bit so i finally got up and went upstrairs to lay down. And then that was kind of it. I got me and Tone a water and i talked to him for a small bit and we both passed out. I kind of felt bad because we didn't get to hang out that day but he did end up going somewhere with a new friend of his so that was nice. He doesn't have a lot of frineds like that. I mean i don't either so we are both relatable in that sense. The next day he was supposed to go to that bitch Graces house early in the day. But me and him kind of got up around like 11 or so, and like she wanted to get him at 12. So i was like whatever but 12 rolls around and he was still laying in bed. He was on a group call with his friends but like still in bed. So i had a part of me that wanted him to stay, buttt we went on a walk to the gas station with Cece and he went to that cunts house. I just don't think this is going to be a good idea, and i really hope he see's that soon. I mean she prays on peoples weaknesses to make herself feel better. She did that with Nai, and now she's going to do that with Tone. I just hope he doesn't get hurt, But i kind of don't think so. Actually...i noticed something when i was there. He was wearing the matchy braclette that we have. I got him and me a matchy bracelette and every since i got it for him he either claimed that he "lost" it or that he "forgot" to put it back on. But the whole time i was over there he was wearing it. I don't know...that made me feel like that was his way of saying that he really does see me as his best friend. I think he didn't want to wear it before because he was dating that one girl. But i think him wearing it now was a way of showing how much i actually do mean to him. He has such a hard time talking about how he really is feeling, and i did remind him when i was there that i do care about him and how he feels and what he is going through. I love my best friend Tone. And i try to tell him and remind him. I really hope he knows and understands that i'll always be there. For him and for Nai. I know they don't like eachother right now, but they both will always mean that much to me.