Perspective

Part 19

Its almost 10 and i have to be up at 4am tomorrow. Me and Grant both have to b there by 6 and we are both pulling a clopen. That's wild that we both be doing that. Tonight wasn't a bad night though, we where pretty slow, but i was working with Caleb...and he fucking sucks. I've talked about him before but like tonight i learned some shit. And as most jobs go, you get a 30 minute break or 2 15 minute breaks. Or if you have requested to get two 15 UNPAID breaks you can do that plus your 30...and this motherfucker legit took a 15 minute before we closed so he could buy groceries for himself. So not only did he do it on the clock, he didn't clock out for that break whatsoever and he has never informed anyone that he was going to do that. How much you wanna bet that he's been doing that every since he has started working there. What a fucking asshole. Because he said to me that he was "taking the 15 minutes that he's entitled to." But we informed Vanessa about it and she would know if  he was taking those breaks and clocking out for them or not and she didn't know he was doing any such thing. So basically he's been taking and extra 30 minutes out of his workday for breaks that he doesn't even clock out for. In what fucking world does he think he lives on. That shit just didn't sit right with me and I've been thinking about it every since he said it. Like how entitled do you think you actually are sir. Also Vanessa said the extra PAID two separate 15 minutes are only given to people who do 9 or more hours. Man only did 8 hours today....just saying. He sucks, he needs to go next. Most of the time he legit does things for himself too (clearly) and more than one person has noticed that he will not do the milk fills often in the morning which is clearly a popular item. Just the whole thing with him is ridiculous.

Oh yeah and today i told Gabby about this, how i write you know. And she actually thought that it was cool, she said she used to write too but like in a journal and physically. I showed her what i was doing like on here too and she liked the idea of it. I also mentioned that she was in it and she was like, "oh really?!" like she was surprised and seemed a bit flattered. I was like. "well yeah you know i write about my daily life and stuff. And you ARE apart of my life. " I like that she was really cool and supportive over it, she was like, "oh my god i wanna read it now!" That was cute of her to say. I like that everyone I've told about this are really cool about it you know. Like they think its awesome, which i do too, it just kind of struck me by surprise others thought it. I actually had debated on writing today just simply because of time wise. Like clearly its late and i have to be up early as shit but like in kind of wanted to see if i could time myself a little and see how fast i can go with it. That's a little weird i feel like to think and type quickly but like i wanted to see what i could do. I will be doing that tomorrow too in my opening at the store. I want to get a bit faster with it all, i think i do okay but i feel like i could get better. I mean i do better then others clearly *cough cough Caleb* because  I always make sure to fill the milk but you know...to each their own i guess. Not really it low key pisses me off when people don't do their job right, like bitch if you don't do what the fuck you're supposed to do. Because you know they know how to do it, which is the more annoying part to me. Like c'mon bro. Hustle motherfucka. I mean having a off day or two can be common for most people what ever, but if you're showing a lot of similar patterns in your shitty work ethic then there's a fucking problem. 

I also tend to like...NOT like people simply because they don't show initiative in their work. That bitch Sarah that used tpo work as a LSA at the store was literally the worst person i've ever worked with. There was so many people that also feel a sense of anger or hate towards her...but i think i feel more then the rest. Whenever i had to workj with her i had to do everything, because she didn't do a damn thing. She was one of those people that walked around the store all fast like she was in a hurry to do something...yet nothing ever got done unless i did it or someone else did it. She was around duriong the time i was loosing a lot of weight and i do kind of think she contributed to me hating my life and sort of the weightloss because of stress. Just the whole time she worked at the store i was stressed out and it is crazy too because it seemed like just a few weeks after she finally had left a lot of things had gotten better. Like when she was there a lot of people where refusing to do things out of spite because she wasn't so they didn't have to you know? Or it was like often people where going about the job matching energy in a negative way. Hell even i was doing it for a while too and the store legit started falling apart because no one was doing anything. I couldn't do it anymore, i was on the verge of quitting, but then i heard she was quitting and i have never felt so happy about a person leaving the store. That's so wild. 

It really seems like i truly feel the energy of people. Majority of the time i tend to be right about it and that kind of sucks sometimes. I even said that to Grant earlier in the office. We where sitting there talking about Caleb and the shit he was pulling and i told him that i hate that i happen to be right a lot of the time when it come to people and how much they suck. I had told them Caleb was bad news when he started, and everyone is finally seeing the true colors. I've felt that vibe from so many people...i honestly had that vibe of sorts from Daniel, my ex-roommate. I remember sometimes when he would be around i would be thinking that there was a little something off about him but i kind of brushed it aside and didn't follow my intuition about it...but then he lived with me you know and he also showed his true colors in the nastiest form. And yet again i was right. I was right about Riley too. My ex-best friend. There was times i was with her and i would get those negative vibes from her. See the people like them, they have good parts of them that they could maybe potentially have and let show...but the negative that is truly inside them is just so strong that they allow it to show more often then not because that's who they really are. Whether they will admit it to themselves or not, it is them and there are just some people that aren't right inside. they can do some things to hide it but for the most part that's who they will always be. And that's what i tend to see before a lot of other people see it, because that person is just so good and hiding it and tricking common people into seeing what they want them to instead of what is. It takes most people a longer period of time before they can see that negative part of those people. There is often times too when common people continue to let those people be apart of their lives and that's simply because they don't want to recognize the negative or they have grown to connected to the person. I think for me though for the most part, if i know that person is as negative as they are, it doesn't matter how much I've grown to care about the person i legit can't handle that type of energy in my life. I think I've gotten that way because of yet another reason...can anyone guess what that is? Ah you probably guessed it, my childhood. I think that's why I'm so good at catching the negative and seeing it before others. The people in most my life have given it off and i can see the signs. It's a gift and a curse. I want to be able to see the positive in everyone so i really try to give them a chance, but it is often that i unfortunately am right about it. I wish i was able to do something good with that trait. It makes me sad you know. Because there can be that peak of good, but for the most part it kind of helps but it doesn't. I don't know, that intuition of mine is what helps me and i put the trust in it and the universe. 

I think that in some place or in some time or in maybe some universe i was a being that had true genuine powers to help the lesser. I want to warn people so often about the negative people but some people take it the wrong way. And its not until later when damage has been done that it's relevant to what I've said. I believe i do have a manifestation power of sorts. And that when i am able to make my family in the future and feel the most genuine pure happiness i will be able to prove it. I mean in a sense i kind of already have proof now that i am powerful. Not only have i lost weight but my confidence level has sky rocketed and I'm so fucking sexy. Like when i was younger that's what i would say. That some day, somehow i will be a gorgeous thin adult and i will be wanted by so many people...and here i am today. A bad bitch with many men and women and even couples that want me. I spoke that shit into existence. If you make a statement about what you want and speak it into the universe and believe that it will happen it will. There is some work you clearly have to put into it, but even from that point you still have to believe it. Trust within yourself and trust within your universe. I really wish that people could be positive and not settle for what they have. I really wish too that people in the world wouldn't allow themselves to be brought down by others. But because of the state of the world that i's in now it's really almost inevitable. It also is very easy for people to accept their realities and not want to envision the life they want, they can think about what it could be or what maybe in another life, but depending on that person and the circumstance that person grew up in makes the world a difference. Now people also have to realize that the world doesn't revolve around them. They have a world around them, then there's the outside world that's around the world within them. that sounds strange but that's kind of how i mean it to sound. You know there the daily life that you have, that consist of the people you know that just surrounds you on a regular basis. But then there's the world that revolves around those individuals and their worlds and then the extended world that has every person, every animal, every living thing in this world that exist. And you are really a small mere speck of sand within the entirety of it all. So please enjoy what you have, work on what you feel should change and allow the universe to help you follow your intuition.

 You are not nothing because in your world...you are everything. Be mindful of the extensive world around you and believe in it all with your soul.