SUMMER CAN LAST FOREVER

THE DREADFUL MORNING AFTER

BELLY
You always here about the morning after when it comes to a hook up, your first time, or after drinking a lot, but nobody ever talks about the morning after a fight. Not just any fight a bad fight, one that could potentially lead to a breakup, if ones not careful. Thats the last thing in the world i want, and i hate cam for opening his big fat mouth, for trying to break us up. I cant believe i was so stupid, and once again, conrad was spot on. as much as i hate to admit it.

I wake up in my bedroom at the beachhouse. Id almost forgotten what it looks like. The poloroids on the wall, the lights above my bed, junior mint on the bed. The matching white nightstand, and vanity susannah bought for me. My standing mirror, and my pink curtains. The baby blue colored walls, the white and pink bedding. I know i royally, and epically screwed up. Knowing conrad the way i do, hes going to apologize first, but he shouldnt. I need to. Shaylas right, i need a grand im sorry gesture. Ugh what do guys like, or what would conrad want? i ask myself.

I mean obviously a heartfelt apology, with me promising to not do it again. Reassurence hes doing enough, that its not his fault, that i screwed up this time. Most important i think hed want something intimate, not sex or anything like that sort of intimate. But hed want something personal from me, thatd be just for him, and only him. what can i give him? I already gave him my virginity, so whats left i think to myself. Whats a part of me not even he knows about, or anyone for that matter.

God i feel awful, i know he left because he was crying, and couldnt hold his emotions in anymore. I get up, and go downstairs. hes there with steven in the kitchen. He notices me, sets his coffee down, and whispers something to steven before walking out the door. "hes going for a run" steven tells me.

"Why dont you take a seat, and well talk, get real deep" he smirks. I make myself a cup of coffee, and sit down.

"Did you sleep okay last night?" he asks, i shake my head no.

"i couldnt stop thinking about how hurt he was" i reply.

"Good, im glad youve been feeling the guilt, because what you did really messed him up a lot" steven looks at me.

"I know it did" i gulp, and steven fills me in on what happened last night.

"I knew it, even with all the shitty things i made him feel, that hed want to apologize, be the better man so to speak, but jeres right. i need to apologize this time, shayla told me that too" i state.

"In a world full of boys, hes a gentlemen steven" i add.

"Yeah i know, thats why i always liked him for you" steven chuckles.

"Help me understand belly, why cam? why tell cam, but not con?" he looks at me.

"cam was easy to tell, i didnt care about his reaction. His reaction wouldnt change things, conrads would. i was afraid that he wouldnt want me there yet, that hed see me as an intrusion. I let my own anxietys get the better of me" i tell him.

"You know why i stopped answering taylors calls, texts, or talking to her apart from large groups?" he questions.

"I could think of a few reasons" i sip my coffee.

"shayla, my girlfriend, who i love and respect didnt want me too anymore. She said given our history and knowing taylors feelings, it made her uneasy, so i stopped talking to her" steven looks at me.

"Its the same with conrad, and cam. you shouldve not started messaging him even if it is small talk. Why because there is a risk of opening a can of explosives" steven adds.

"i realize that now, i only ever went out with cam as a desperate attempt to get conrad to notice me. I never felt anything other than friendship for him, even while i dated him" i confess.