SUMMER CAN LAST FOREVER

NORMALCY

CONRAD
its currently febuary 28th. im sitting in my first class of the day, which is stats. i cant believe its already going to be march. In 3 weeks itll be finals. at some point, well all get our acceptance letters. Im really proud of jere for picking taylor over belly and i. although sometimes, i worry if just boring old me will be enough for belly in california. Im not a partier, i dont like sweets, im not mr positive all the time. I mean yeah i cheer her up, and calm her down, but sometimes i fear were too different.

That without jeremiah to balance my personality out shell be unhappy, like part of the reason we do work so well, is because she also has jeremiah. If my mom were here, shed be telling me i was crazy, that im too in my head connie. I miss her so much. i miss laurel. belly dosnt know this yet, but im going to la with her. I cant bear to spend a week away, id worry my ass off if she was 3000 miles away. Even if she was with her mom.

The first week of spring break is when her mom is in l.a, i cant wait til then. Prom is in april at the end. Ive already started looking at tuxes, i wont let her down again. Im also going to speak with cindy, i think laurel still hasent talked to adam. Until she does i wont, but cindy, i could maybe work through some of my child truma with her, since she knows my dads side of things. The professor dismisses us, and i make my way to ethics next. i normally see belly on my way there.

When i walk inside shes there dressed in a blue short sleeve sweater with tights. Shes cold, i can tell, cause shes hugging herself to try and warm up. Does this girl ever bring a jacket? i tell myself as i remove my letterman jacket from high school im wearing. I say nothing as i put it over her shoulders, and walk away.
"youre the best" she calls.

i turn around, smile, and wave before going to my class. Im definitley gonna be cold. i too have short sleeves, but ill be fine, ill just run to my classes.

Ugh why do i have to be so nice. in ethics were learning about morally wrong, and morally right choices. Me giving my jacket to belly morally right. me not talking to dad some might say morally wrong, despite all the things hes done. "Were gonna conduct an experiment. for the next week, youre each going to write down whether or not each choice you make, is a morally right or wrong one" the professor tells us.

"Every second of our lives we make choices good or bad, attending my class good, missing my class bad" he says and we all laugh.

Knowing how to make good descions is crucial in a hospital, when peoples lives are at stake. One bad move, and a persons life could be over. I never want a choice i make to be the reason a patient dies. I cant help but wonder if my moms doctors did all they could, if they made all the right choices. Maybe shed still be here smiling, laughing, shed be so proud and happy for all of us. The beach house has security cameras installed, and a new lock. laurel mailed jere belly and i new keys.

When she called belly yesterday, she said we were allowed to go to the beach house again. I felt happy, but also nervous. the beach house was always the fun house, and now its plagued by some pretty bad nights. I try not to focus on those few, and focus on the many good ones we all have there. After ethics, i have physics and physics lab. So many science and math classes involved in premed. Sometimes i wish i chose an easier major, maybe id get more of the actual college life, but the rewards are greater than the expereinces id get.

I have a lot of homework now, this ethics project and i have a solo organic chemistry project. Plus my stats, and my physics so much work. all i do is bury myself in my books, and i have to start studying for finals. yipee. At least its lunch hour, the one hour i can see belly, and just relax with my friends. I get to the lunch table first today, followed by belly, whose still wearing my jacket

"nice jacket" i compliment

"thanks, a really sweet strange man gave it to me today in the hall" she replies, and i chuckle.