Converse x Vans

Old habits

TW: SH, mentions of SH and anxiety attack

Charlie's POV

I wake up feverishly and already know today isn't going to be a good day. It takes almost everything of me to bring myself up and walk down the stairs. When I enter the kitchen I smell bacon and eggs. Normally I'd be excited for this meal but today the smell makes me feel like being sick.

"Morning." Nick says smiling.

"Morning." I say gloomily.

"What's up?" He says.

"Nothing." I say.

"You normally run to the coffee machine in the morning Char something up." Nick says turning to me.

"Just a bad mental health day I guess." I say.

"Okay but if anything happens or you start to feel really bad tell me." Nick says coming towards me.

"I will." I say smiling.

He wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the forehead before going back to cooking breakfast.

"Morning." Chase says yawning.

"Morning." We both chime.

"Go get ready please I'll have breakfast ready by then." Nick says.

"Okay I'll be right back." Chase says running up the stairs.

I walk towards the lounge room and almost fall onto the couch. Nick peers through and when he does he almost laughs.

"You're supposed to be the opposite way up." He laughs.

"I'll just suffocate thanks."

"Nope, not happening." He laughs walking to me and turning me around.

"There." He says cheekily giving me a kiss.

He turns the TV on and gives me a blanket and the remote. "There princess."

I giggle at his remark, he goes back into the kitchen and continues making him and chases breakfast. Chase comes down in his uniform which almost gives me PTSD when he comes down in that uniform.

I've seen Chase happy and all emotions but this emotion I've never ever seen before.

"What's up Chase?" I ask.

He gives me a small little head throw to show me to talk in private. I follow him into the bathroom and he looks at me.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Well." He says. "Isaac says he has a surprise for me but I'm scared he's breaking up with me."

"You know how many times I've done that." I say. "Nick has said I would have a surprise and I thought he was breaking up with me about a million times and it never happened."

"But-." He says but I cut him off.

"But he won't and if he does it's his loss." I say giving him a smile. "If he does break up with you call me and I'm instantly coming to get you."

Chase calms down shortly after and I go out and Nick has three plates of breakfast ready. I feel anxiety well up in my body and I feel my hands start to shake. I bolt up the stairs in anxiety and go into our bedroom. I sit on the floor and support myself on the bed and start hyperventilating, why can't I be normal and just eat food?

Tears pour down my face as I lay there silently, food floating through my head, that voice telling me no, telling me I don't need it and I don't deserve it. "No." It says, you don't need it. I don't need it. Everything collapses on me at once and all I feel is guilt and anxiety overload my brain, I look around and see a razor and I get up and walk towards it.

"Do it, pathetic." The voice pounds.

"CHARLIE!" Nick yells.

I instantly snap out of my trance and see Nick standing in the doorway.

"Sorry." I say tears flowing out my eyes like a river. "I, I, I."

Nick doesn't let me say anything and just hugs me as hard as he can and then almost picks me up and puts me in bed so I can sleep this off and then he says.

"Take a nap I'm taking the day off and after we can talk about it if you want." He says.

"Okay." I sniffle. "Can you sleep with me?"

"I will but I have to drop off Chase after that we can cuddle." He smiles.

"Okay." I sniffle

I can't believe I'm getting that bad again! I thought I was getting better. No, no, no, NO!

"Remember what I said?" Ben's voice says.

"NOO!" I hear myself scream.

I hear the door burst open and someone running up the stairs.

"Char!" Nick says running to my side.

"No, no, no, no." I hear myself saying over and over.

"Charlie its okay!" I hear Nick say softly.

His warm hands graze my arms trying to stop my from thrusting and moving as I am doing.

"Char stop It's okay." Nick says his voice sterner than before. "Breathe."

I try and steady my breathing, his voice leaves my head after a few minutes and I start to calm down and feel normal again. I steady my breathing once again as it flares up. This continues for what almost feels like an hour until I slowly open my eyes, Nick is kneeling at my side holding my hand and the room is dark.

Nicks POV

"NO." Someone screams as I get out of the car. It sounds awfully like-. Shit.

I quickly open the door and run up the stairs as quick as I can in hopes to see Charlie asleep, when I enter the room Charlie is thrashing and screaming just the word, no.

"Char!" I say running to his side.

I instantly kneel to his side and at first I hold him but as he calms down I move towards holding his hand, after about five minutes he starts to really calm down. After ten minutes he open his eyes looks at me then around the room which I dimmed before I left.

"Nick." He sighs his eyes tearing up.

"Oh Charlie." I say trying to keep my composure.

"I was so scared." Charlie says. "So scared please help."

Charlie starts to sob, uncontrollably. I can't help him, I cant, I cant. He is laying in this bed sobbing and I cant do anything at all. No, I need to help him. I need to help Char. I take a deep breath before I speak and attempt to continue to keep my composure.

"Breathe, were going to get through this." I say, taking another deep breath before I speak again. " Now sit up and tell me what's going on."