SKYSCRAPER

C'EST LA VIE

JENNIE

Almost a year has passed and I am starting to get over her. There were nights that all the memories we had together are all coming back. But Aki became my strength. He reminds me a lot of Lisa but he has his ways to make me feel fine too.

Lisa and I are still communicating just for Aki. We remained friends. She would ask to pick up Aki and sometimes he sleeps at her place. She never missed every event in our son's life.

I can really see that she is happy with where she is and what she has now.

Slowly, I am moving on. I guess, I am starting to accept that we are not really meant for each other and maybe life has to be this way. We did everything we could. But c'est la vie.

Jisoo and I are always together. I admit, she helped me a lot going through this. She's a friend. She would always check if I'm okay. She's always by my side when I need someone to talk to.

I won't deny that we have something going on. It is not clear yet. We are friends. But whenever our eyes meet, I am not only being with her but her beautiful soul as well. We are just afraid to be brave and give it a try because of one important fact— she is Lisa's friend.

The day came that Lisa and Riva's engagement is announced to the people that matter to them. Finally, the latter's parents agreed to their intention of getting married. Lisa is the happiest. Obviously, she really is so happy.  If only I could turn back time and be the wife she deserves, maybe we are still together.

But me, I have this daily struggle and frustration whenever Aki asks me why Lisa and I are no longer sweet to each other and why she is not living in our house anymore. I am slowly explaining to him every single thing. I don't want to lie to my son and give him false hopes. But he is a smart kid. I know that he is aware.

I have nights of breakdowns and rgerets in my room. Not eating at all and still having questions in my head. Why? Like why did we end this way? I strove to change, not only for myself but really for my son and Lisa. I wanted to fill the cup I emptied. I was the reason why Lisa had all her fears with us. I didn't give her the time to heal. I didn't let her embrace the time she needed all for herself. She was there to save me even if no one was there for her.

We can't blame her if all of a sudden she fell out of love and found another. She is just human. She has to have the love she deserves.  And I am not that person to pour her with that love. I was the one who broke her when all she did was to be the perfect partner for me. She really was.

I am broken too. But someone is helping me to somehow heal. Jisoo never missed a day to make me feel that it's okay to cry and still be a great mother to my son. She would remind me each day that I also have to be gentle with myself. And whenever I can't really be gentle, she's the one showing me what love is. Her love is beyond my knowledge.

And I am starting to like her. We're like two peas in a pod, and at the same time like chalk and cheese. But we get along really well. She's not a difficult person to love.

We know we're just stopping ourselves from speaking up. We're just controlling every inch of our desire to confess to each other. She thinks of Lisa and so do I. But I think I'll regret if we won't give this a shot.

One fine night, she popped the question. We were both honest saying that we don't believe in courtship and what's next is more important— the relationship.  I don't know where the courage is coming from but we just did, we decided to make it official.

I said that I am moving on. Yes, Jisoo is aware of that. Moving on doesn't mean I am still in love with Lisa and I am just using Jisoo to forget. I am also moving forward. The world has also been good to my career and my heart. So, why not let this beautiful thing with Jisoo wander around me? Why not?

As we learn each other everyday, all our ways, I am starting to realize that my feelings for her is becoming so deep. So deep that I want to have this forever.

But there's one more thing we're careful about. Lisa. Not to hurt her. We talked about this and we have decided to keep it to us and never tell anyone aside from our parents. We're cautious of the surroundings whenever we go out in public. I am still the Jennie they all know. Jisoo is so private that I don't want to ruin her because of the fame I used to have.

This is going to be hard, but we believe that we'll get through this. She makes me happy. She makes me see things in reality. She is so soft with me and I can tell her everything that's on my mind without any fear, and I am so willing to reciprocate.

The weekend of my life is happening when my first ever directorial film will be shown at the cinema. We've been shooting this for two months and I am just so glad it's coming to the big screen. Jisoo was with me whenever I had writer's block and nights of doubting myself as a filmmaker. She would encourage me to rest first and inspire me to go back on track again. So I guess, there's no one I would ask to be my date on the premiere night but her.

I also invited Lisa and Riva. Of course, without Lisa's help, I won't be able to pursue a late but big dream. We all know that. And it's really coming true.

So, tonight is the big night and I am so happy to see my actors posing for the cameras. They look so proud on their suits and gowns. I also got interviewed by the media about the film. Jisoo was so shy to be by my side. Maybe she doesn't want the attention she might get. But after the interview I had, I took her hand and held it with a loving grip. I am so happy that she's with me. We can't bring Aki here because it has some scenes that are not yet suitable for his age.

I am happy seeing Lisa and Riva came too. We let go of our hold the moment Lisa came near us with a curious look. Maybe confused. Shit. We're caught. I was actually really looking along the red carpet earlier and watch out for her arrival so Jisoo and I can prepare ourselves.

"Hi, Jen! I am so proud of you. Years ago, I already saw this coming. More films for you, Jen." Lisa greeted me with her charm.

"Thank you. You know this won't be possible if not because of you." I said. I'm grateful! Lisa sent me to schoold so I can have all of this.

"No. It's all because of you. We know that this is your dream. You deserve this. This not just a God-given talent but it's your hardwork, Jen. Again, I am so proud of you." Lisa was emotional.

Riva also congratulated me.

The press asked for Lisa and I to pose for a photograph together. She took my hand and guided me to the booth area and as we were posing for the cameras, she held my waist and pulled me closer to her and whispered,

"I didn't expect you'll be with Jisoo tonight. Riva would understand if you asked me to be your date. Is there going on between the two of you?" She asked while still giving a smile to the lenses.

My heart was beating so fast. Faster.

"No." My simple answer. I lied.

We returned back to our partners. Lisa took Riva's hand while fixing her choker.

As they started to walk inside the cinema, I noticed she leaned closer to Jisoo.

One thing I expected to happen.

"May you not forget the friend code, buddy. How many bullets have you taken lately that made you forget she's my ex-wife?" Lisa whispered to Jisoo, gave her a wink and walked away.

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"Though we're the same person, unfortunately, we're on our own trajectories."
-Bruno Major