Y/n to Beelzebub: So I'm gonna need your and Minos' help, and by help I mean do everything.
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Minos: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Beelzebub: We're chopsticks!
Minos: Well... that's cute!
Minos: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Y/n: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
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Beelzebub: I have a bad feeling about this, guys.
Y/n: Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
Minos: Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen?
Beelzebub, being bailed out of jail the next morning: I hate you all.
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HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER!
Beelzebub, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?
Y/n: Yeah, sure.
*A few minutes later*
Y/n: Here you go.
Beelzebub:
Y/n:
The fucking author: Why am I here?
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Beelzebub: *sucking on a popsicle*
Minos: Pfft, you practicing for when Y/n gets here?
Beelzebub: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*
Minos: *Concern*
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Beelzebub: Thank you all for coming.
Y/n, wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here.
Beelzebub: Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck Beelzebub Task Force".
SomeRandomMirror: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way.
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LETS ADD ANOTHER!
SomeRandomMirror: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?
Minos: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you?
Samuel: What the fuck is wrong with you two?
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SomeRandomMirror: Hey, what’s up?
Beelzebub: The sky.
SomeRandomMirror: No, I meant like, what are you doing?
Beelzebub: Oh, Y/n.
Y/n: *highfives Beelzebub* Nice!
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Samuel: Why do you let me win when we race up the stairs? You’re the faster one.
SomeRandomMirror: Erm... it’s nice see your smile when you win!
*later*
Samuel: They're probably just staring at my ass, aren't they.
Y/n: Yeah, probably.
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Beelzebub: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?
Y/n: Like its slips on and off really easily.
Beelzebub:
Y/n: No, I didn't mean it like that-
Minos: We know what you meant.
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Y/n: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...
SomeRandomMirror : I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!
Minos: In your pantry!
Y/n: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?
SomeRandomMirror : Is your friend here?
Y/n, motioning to Beelzebub: Yeah.
SomeRandomMirror , to Beelzebub: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! >:(
Samuel: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-
Samuel: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!
Samuel: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN
Everyone else: No.
Samuel, to SomeRandomMirror and Minos: YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS
SomeRandomMirror : YAAAAAAAAY!
Minos: THE PRESTIGE!
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WE SWAPPED TO A NEW GENERATOR, AND ADDED ANOTHER ONE!
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Y/n: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Beelzebub: ...I did. I broke it.
Y/n: No. No you didn't. Samuel?
Samuel: Don't look at me. Look at SomeRandomMirror .
SomeRandomMirror : What?! I didn't break it.
Samuel: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
SomeRandomMirror : Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Samuel: Suspicious.
SomeRandomMirror : No, it's not!
Minos: If it matters, probably not, but Gabriel was the last one to use it.
Gabriel: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Minos: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Gabriel: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Minos!
Beelzebub: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Y/n.
Y/n: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Minos: Y/n... Samuel's been awfully quiet.
Samuel: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Y/n, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Y/n: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Y/n:
Y/n: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
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Y/n: We need to distract these guys
Beelzebub: Leave it to me
Beelzebub: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Samuel, SomeRandomMirror , and Minos: *Immediately begin arguing*
Gabriel, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all
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Y/n: Time for plan G.
Beelzebub: Don’t you mean plan B?
Y/n: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Samuel: What about plan D?
Y/n: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
SomeRandomMirror : What about plan E?
Y/n: I’m hoping not to use it. Minos dies in plan E.
Gabriel: I like plan E.
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*The squad right before Y/n's wedding*
Beelzebub: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Samuel: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
SomeRandomMirror : Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Minos: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Gabriel, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE
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ALRIGHT, THIS WAS FUN.
SEE YA!
Beelzebub: Really? Just gonna end it like that?
Tf you mean.
Beelzebub: You could've atleast said something nice to the readers!
....NAH
BUH BYE!
YOU ARE READING
Love in a cold, dark, world. (STASIS)
FanfictionBeelzebub x male reader fic Beelzebub owned by Łukasz Piskorz other characters brought in are all owned by their creators. Enjoy. (Chaos rises. 2/3)
