My life in the Cirque du Freak

Lost

If Mr. Crepsley hadn't been there, I would've hit the floor. My knees went weak after reading Evra's note and Mr. Crepsley had to catch me when I fell. I suddenly felt like I had no lungs and Mr. Crepsley had to calm me down. "He's gone!" I gasped after I had my breath back. Mr. Crepsley looked at me confused and I showed him the letter from Evra. He read it and looked at me sympathetically. I looked back at him and unfolded the sweater. "This was the sweater Evra gave me my first night here." I told him. He rubbed my shoulder and I suddenly felt angry. I threw the sweater across the room and punched the wall, hurting my hand. I didn't care though, I couldn't feel it now but I would later. I grabbed the letter and tore it into pieces then grabbed the sweater and tried to do the same thing, but Mr. Crepsley stopped me. "Calm down." He said. Which only made me even more mad because telling me to calm down, is like telling cats and dogs to get along. It just doesn't work. "Why should I?" I asked. "It's not like I need any of his stuff!" I said loudly. Mr. Crepsley took the sweater from me and hugged me close to him and that's when I started crying. He let me cry, not caring that I was soaking his shirt with tears. "How could he do this?" I cried. "How could he just leave?" I started to cry harder and Mr. Crepsley rubbed my shoulders, "I do not know why he would go this far. But I truly am sorry. I know how close you were with him."
I sniffed and nodded and cried until I couldn't keep my swollen eyes open anymore and fell asleep. I guess Mr. Crepsley carried me to my hammock because that's where I woke up, feeling totally drained and like I hadn't slept in 3 days. I looked over to wake up Evra, and last night's events hit me like a wrecking ball. I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs until they burst, but my throat was raw from all the crying last night. I ran my fingers through my hair and then got up. I wasn't going outside today, everybody knew how close Evra and I were, you'd have to be blind not to. I didn't want sympathy, I wanted to just be left alone.
I don't know why, but I went to Evra's side of the tent and stood looking around, for I don't even know what. Maybe him? Maybe I hoped that he wasn't actually gone and I'd just had a really realistic dream. I'd tell Evra about it and he'd hug me and tell me how silly I was being, because he would never leave me, and then we'd go share a breakfast like we always did. I sighed, not knowing why I just did that. The tent felt so... Bare, without Evra's things here. The instruments were all gone except for the guitar he'd taught me to play on. I smiled a little, remembering how that went.
(*=flashbacks)
*"Evra, I suck at this!" I laughed and whined to him. He chuckled and placed my fingers correctly on the strings again. "You don't suck. You just have to practice." He said. "Yeah well, I'm about to start some target practice!" I said, frustrated because we'd been at this for 2 days and it seemed like I just got worse and worse! "Don't you dare!" He laughed. Then said, "I gotta get started on my chores. You gonna keep at it for a while?"
I nodded and waved to him as he left. I didn't stop practicing unless it was to eat or drink something, and when Evra came back in that night, I pulled out the guitar and showed him. He smiled and hugged me as he congratulated me. "See. I told you you'd get it." He said. I hugged him again and said, "Thank you Evra!"
He nodded and climbed into his hammock. "Don't thank me yet. Tomorrow, your hand is going to hurt like heck from all the practicing you did." He told me.
I slept with a huge smile on my face that night.

I sighed and pushed my hair out of my face. Torturing myself with memories of Evra wasn't going to help me get over him any faster. So, I grabbed the curtain I used to change behind and hung it up between Evra's side and mine. If I didn't think about him, I would get over him faster. At least... I hoped I would.

After I got that taken care of, I crawled back into the hammock and bundled up in a blanket. Winter was getting closer and you could definitely feel it. I tried to go back to sleep but I was already awake. So I grabbed a book and started reading to keep my mind occupied.
* "I don't understand why you like reading so much." Said Evra, picking up one of my books and flipping through it. I looked up from Looking For Alaska by John Green, and looked at Evra instead. "Reading has always been my escape." I said. "Escape?" He asked. I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I dunno it's... It's like meeting new people and traveling to new places and going on big adventures and falling in love!" I explained. Evra looked at me like I was crazy then said, "There's no way a few pieces of paper holds all that." He said, chuckling. I raised my eyebrows at him and handed him The Fault In Our Stars also by John Green. He gave me a confused look and flipped through the book. "What am I supposed to do with this?" He asked and I pointed to it. "Read that book and tell me you still don't get why I read so much." I told him. "Fine" he said, opening it. "Be careful with it." I said and he nodded. At the end of that week, I found Evra sitting in his hammock on the last page with tears on his face. I cleared my throat and he looked at me and wiped his face. "I know what you mean now." He said thickly. I climbed into his hammock and started reading the book after he finished. I turned to the first page and said, "Told you so."*

Needless to say, I put the book down.