Miroh: Maze of lies and love

Protecting

Finally, after a couple of hours I actually woke up again and as I tried to sit up in bed pain shot through my body. I felt weak and my head was throbbing still, fuck this shit.

Surprise no one was in my room, so I was alone of all things. So much shit has happened and I literally just mass murdered my entire fucking staff back at the mansion and my mother is dead. What the fuck?

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom, I don't know what meds they have me on, but damn do I have to piss like a mother. After pissing for what seemed like hours, I made my way out of my room and took a walk. Walking down the hallway no one dared make eye contact with me, of course they all know who I am and even they are scared of me.

Am I really that scary?

I had no idea where the fuck I was going but something caught my attention at the end of the hall. A familiar looking squirrel just came out of a room. When he turned around, he froze on the spot. "H-hyunjin." Jisung stuttered. "Jisung. What brings you here?" I asked. "Oh umm...nothing. Just visiting someone." "You're not a very good liar."

I took a step forward and he inched back, then I vaguely remembered something from earlier at school.

Shit.

"You, okay? I know I was out of it and pushed you over." I spoke. "Oh that...don't worry about that. I'm fine." Jisung replied. At least he was okay. "How is Felix?" "F-felix is um..." Jisung tried to say.

Is he okay? Did something happen to him? I'm not liking Jisung's answer right now.

Then it dawned on me.

Pushing past Jisung I looked through the window of the door from the room he came from, and my heart felt like it shattered. I know he is sick and often spends time in the hospital but seeing him in the hospital bed was totally different.

"When you pushed me, I fell into Felix who was behind me and we both went down, Felix was already a bit weak this morning and that didn't help matters. He then kept wondering where you went, and he was getting worked up and he had an attack and now he's here." Jisung explained.

Fuck this is all my fault! I wanted to distance myself from Felix especially after what happened in the park even though he straight up told me he wasn't afraid. I knew I couldn't let him get mixed in with this shit, but I didn't know he was worrying about me.

"You can go in; he's been sleeping since he got here." Jisung said softly.

Jisung back away and gave me space, I opened the door and made my way inside. God, I hate hospitals, seeing Felix laying there sleeping with all sorts of tubes, wires and the machines made me sick. Slowly walking over to his bed, I pulled up a chair and sat down next to him.

I grabbed his hand and held it in mine, he was cold to the touch and that worried me so much. "My little ghost...I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I was so caught up in my shit that I didn't care who got in my way."

His lifeless body looked so frail and weak, all I wanted to do was scoop him up and hold him. Sounds like I got mushy, but I don't care, this boy right here is like my own weakness. God only knows why.

"I can't let you get mixed in with all this, my lifestyle isn't for you. I am not good for you, Felix you need someone who can be there for you at all times until the day..." I stopped.

Until the day comes when I won't be able to hear your laugh or see your sweet smile. Until the day you can't sass back to me or kiss me again. I can't be the person you need; I'm too messed up.

I kissed his hand and laid it back down by his side, standing up I hovered over him taking in every bit of his features. Beautiful and sweet, freckles like stars and he looked peaceful. I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his own pink soft lips "Forever my little ghost."

I stood back up and turned on my heels not wanting to glance back, as I made it back to my room Chan was waiting for me. Surprised he didn't freak out and come look for me.

I laid back down on the bed and let my head rest on the pillow, sighing I looked over at Chan. He looked tired and worried; hell, he doesn't even look pissed. I don't know whether I should be afraid or not.

"Hyunjin. How is he?" Chan asked. "I don't know Channie." For whatever fucking reason I started to shed tears. "He doesn't deserve this! It's not fair!" I sobbed. Chan came over and wrapped me up in his arms. "I'm sorry Jinnie. It's not your fault, he's been sick since he was young and has been in and out of hospitals almost his whole life."

I don't even have it in me to be mad at Chan right now, he's being too sweet and sincere and it's just what I need right now. "I can't have him mixed up with me Chan." "I know, I know."  "Channie. You know I still hate you right." I tried to smile. The mood was too somber. 

Chan pulled away a bit and wiped my tears away. "I know, you can hate me all you want but I was trying to protect you. We are going to have to work together now and take down your ass of a stepbrother. We also have to protect Felix." "We do."

Something we can agree on for once.

Felix needs protected and Jeongin needs taken down along with his father. I miss the days when Chan and I worked together, why can't everything be fucking normal?