[Complete] Noise and Kisses {chicklit}

40

The next day, I wake up and find a text from Ben from the previous night.

U said you have time for me... you free tomorrow?

Surprised, I type out a reply.

Depends which Ben is asking...

A few seconds later another message appears.

A hungover one x

I think for a few minutes. I should be a university, but if I don't go to see him, he'll only be playing on my mind, and I'll never be able to focus anyway.

Fine... where?

I jump out of bed and take a quick shower and when I return, I see he's replied.

The common? 11? x

I reply an affirmative and quickly get dressed. I go for skinny black jeans and a vest top but pull a comfy hoodie over the top. I tie my wet hair into a loose fishtail braid and go for winged liner, some mascara, and a slick of lip balm. I finish the look with my vans and head out.

When I arrive at the common, I see Ben already waiting on the bench towards the road. He looks like he hasn't slept yet.

"Hey..." I say, taking a seat next to him.

"Morning" he replies a little gruffly.

"Rough night?"

"Something like that..." he says, pulling his hand through his hair.

We sit there in silence for a little while and it takes everything within me not to break it. Finally, Ben decides to speak.

"Thanks for coming...I really needed to talk to someone..."

My heart constricts. "What's on your mind?"

"You," he says, and laughs a little. I half smile. "What have I done?!"

"You've got into my fucking head again. I couldn't stop thinking of you with that guy last night... it drove me insane."

"Nothing is going on."

"Yet. The thought of you with someone else... it kills me. I know it shouldn't, especially after everything... but it still hurts."

"I'm sorry..." I reply, a little unsure of how to respond.

"You shouldn't be apologising to me! I should be saying sorry to you! I fucked up, yet again. I fucking hate myself for hurting you. I ruin everything... I don't deserve anything good." He pulls at his hair in frustration and sighs heavily.

"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're worthy, Ben. God knows you make mistakes... we all do... but you're a good, no, you're a great person. You're so loved. By Pete, James, Mark, me – we all want you to be happy. More than anything. But you need to see it too... you're hellbent on self-destruction. I don't care about what's happened, I don't care about Lizzi... just don't give up on yourself. Do you hear me?" He doesn't answer, so I push against his chest.

"Are you listening?"

Nothing.

I push him again and he grabs my hand and lays it against his heart, which is beating furiously. He looks into my eyes and the familiar rush of electricity jolts through me. He looks so pained and my heart aches for him. To hold him, to touch him. But I know I need to tread carefully.

"Come on," he says, rising to his feet, "let's go for a walk."

As we take a slow pace to the woods, I light up a cigarette and take the opportunity to ask him questions.

"So, how's uni going?"

He sighs. "Not had the best start to be honest..."

"Were you meant to have classes today?"

"Nah, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday."

I smile. "Lucky! I'm meant to be in on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday! The worst part is that Thursday is one morning class... it sucks! All that effort for such a short amount of time. I'd rather have a busy schedule over two days or something."

Ben laughs. "Of course, you would!"

I feign annoyance and playfully tap his arm. "What does that mean?!"

"It speaks to your nature..." he replies carefully, and I tap him again. "Wanker."

"Only sometimes, when I'm lonely." he jokes back quickly, and I can feel my cheeks flame.

"There she is, sweet, innocent Holly... you forget, I know what you're really like."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?"

In a heartbeat, he pushes me against a tree and brings his lips to mine. As we kiss, I melt into his embrace. He groans and lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and I moan, grinding instinctively into his waist band.

"Holly, you drive me fucking crazy, you know that..." he says, in between breathless kisses. We hear distant footsteps, and he quickly lowers me to the ground. My fingers play across my lips, still tingling from his kiss. He narrows his eyes at me briefly, before kissing the top of my head and we walk on.

"Have you spoken to Pete?" I ask, a little later. Ben shakes his head.

"Not been the best at communicating recently..." he admits.

"He's invited Leila to go and see him in Bristol."

"He has? Get in Pete!" he jokes, and I giggle.

"You should call him, I'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

He nods solemnly. "... I should probably go in a bit..." Ben says, pulling his phone out. I can see notifications onscreen and I'm guessing they're from Lizzi.

"OK... are you feeling a bit better now?"

He scratches the back of his neck and shrugs. "A little, I guess."

"Well, that's a start."

When we reach the bench again, Ben shifts awkwardly. "Thank you for today. I know you missed uni to come and see me, and I really appreciate it."

I shrug and smile. "It's cool."

Before he gets too far, I call out to him, "Hey, Ben?" He turns and my heart skips a beat. "I can forgive a lot, but I'm not just going to wait around for you to sort yourself out and decide you're ready to be with me. I'm giving you a month to sort yourself out... and then I'm moving on."

His expression is pained, and I hate myself for giving an ultimation, so I add, "Just because you're surrounded by darkness, it doesn't mean you can't turn on a light... you know?" He nods and turns, and I walk to the bus stop.

As I wait for the bus to arrive, my phone beeps. It's Ben.

You're my light. Don't give up on me xx