[Complete] Noise and Kisses {chicklit}

36

Desperate to share the news with someone, I decide to call Leila.

"Hello mate! What's goi-"

"Ben's fucking someone else!" I blurt out loudly and watch as several passengers turn to stare. I smile sweetly at them and turn to face the window.

"No way!" Leila returns, her shock audible.

"Yep, I finally called him after being blanked for the last week and I heard her in the background."

"How'd you know they're sleeping together? Are you sure it wasn't his mum?" She asks, trying to be the voice of reason.

"He'd just woke up - she was super croaky voiced and called him 'babe'... not his mum."

"Shit. Shit! I can't believe it - again! Well, I sort of can, but I'm fucking pissed at the same time. He talks about loving you and then meets another girl?! What a prick!"

"I know! The worst part is, I've spent the last week feeling so guilty, missing him so terribly and worrying about him. And all the time he's met someone else! He promised me that he was going to prove I could trust him again..."

"I'm so sorry mate - are you ok?"

"I'm fine, just fucking pissed off... heading to the moon - fancy a little drink?"

"Fuck yes! Leaving uni now, so can be there in about an hour."

"Amazing, thanks mate!"

"Of course! And wait until Pete hears about this!"

"Don't bother, Ben will only try and bullshit his way out of it. See you soon."

I put down the phone and start to bite at the skin around my nails, letting my anger continue to simmer away. I reach the misty moon 15 minutes later and waste no time ordering two drinks for myself.

With the weather still relatively warm, I head out into the garden and immediately light up. As I sit there trying to quell the aching in my chest, I'm reminded of so many memories over the last year. So much unnecessary drama, needless heartbreak, hateful words. No matter how much we try, we'll never work because he is hellbent on hurting those who care about him. I know his childhood is likely to blame - I have no idea what it's like to grow up in that environment. But I thought we had something real... that, despite it all, we would make it work. A romance for the story books. What a joke.

I pull out my phone, expecting to see a grovelling apology, or "it's not what you think" text. Nothing. He couldn't even be bothered to explain himself. I finish off the dregs of my second drink, unsure when I'd actually drank them whilst sifting through the chaos in my head. With my stomach still roiling, I walk back to the bar for another.

As I pay, Leila arrives and brings me in for a big hug. I squeeze her arm in appreciation and for a moment feel relief from the anger and sadness.

"Thank you mate... I really needed this." I say, quietly.

"Of course! Always."

"What can I get you to drink - my round?"

"Ooh, same as you, please." The bartender nods and starts making another rum and diet coke.

"How's uni been this week?" I ask, trying to change the subject fast.

"Much better! I'm so glad I went out and met other people!"

"Oh Leila, that's great! And how's Pete?"

"He's good - I spoke to him on the way here. He's invited me to go and see him next weekend. Hey, why don't you come with?"

I scratch my head and wince. "Oh, I don't want to ruin your first trip to Bristol."

"But you could use an escape! He can take us to some cool places round there... we'll have fun!" She says, excitedly.

"I'll think about it." She nods.

"He was pissed to hear that Ben fucked you over again, and I mean -"

"Oh, Leila, you didn't tell him?! Does he know we're here?"

She looks sheepish and I sigh.

"Oh great! If he tells Ben, he'll likely come here! I thought I said, 'don't tell him'?!"

"I didn't think you meant I couldn't, only not to go out of my way to. And I didn't! It just sort of slipped out." I groan. The bartender places the drink down and hands over my change.

"Ok, well let's just drink these and head off!" She says, trying to placate me. I nod and lead the way back out into the garden. I immediately sink my third drink of the evening and wait impatiently for Leila to finish hers.

Her phone flashes and she picked it up to check the text.

"It's Pete. He can't get a hold of Ben."

I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thankfully. At least we can stay here for a while. Please tell him that if he does get through, not to mention where we are, please?"

"Already on it!" She says, her fingers swiping the keyboard in quick succession.

Two more drinks later, the alcohol has kicked in, but I feel more emotional. Having smoked my last cigarette, I convince Leila to walk with me down to the off-licence to buy more. The night air is chilly, and we take the brisk walk to the shop. 10 minutes later I'm restocked and feeling grateful. As we leave to make our way back to the misty moon, I stand outside to open and light up a new cigarette. As I remove it from my lips and exhale deeply, someone knocks into the back of me.

Turning around, I am beyond surprised to see Ben and a petit blonde haired girl standing there. They're absolutely out of their minds wasted and I see Leila's eyes widen in horror at the state of them.

Ben doesn't look like he's seen a shower in a week which, he probably hasn't. His t-shirt and jeans are filthy, with what looks to be remnants of food or vomit down it and his face is pale and unshaven. The worst part is his eyes, normally so vibrant and green, are now almost completely black.

"Ben?" I say, my voice almost a whisper. When he looks up, he takes a second to take in my appearance. He looks across to Leila and genuinely looks puzzled.

"Holly? What... are you doing here?" He says, stammering his words out. His voice sounds cold and croaky.

"Just buying cigarettes" I say, jiggling the packet.

"Ooh, can I have one?" The blonde beside him asks, hoarsely.

She's much shorter than Ben, though it's hard to tell in his current slumped position. Her frame is skin thin and her hips jut awkwardly above her low-slung jeans. She, though also clearly off her face, carries it much better. Her peroxide blonde hair lies messily below her cleavage and her make up looks recently applied, which suggests she's made an effort for their misadventures.

I don't answer the girl, and she looks confusingly between Ben and I, waiting for something to happen.

Leila, sensing the potential for drama to ensue, kindly comes to my rescue.

"Anyway, we better dash. Take it easy, Ben." She says, linking my arm and dragging me away. When we get far enough out of earshot, I begin to sob uncontrollably. In a week, he's gone from beautiful, happy, in control Ben, to a complete mess. They're both clearly out of their minds on drugs.

"It's all my fault..." is the only words I can muster between tears. Leila pulls me in for a hug.

"Shh... it's not your fault. Ben doesn't need any encouragement to fuck his life up. He needs help." She soothes, calming some of the sadness inside me. I nod. "Come on, let's get you home."

***

Leila stays the night at mine to keep me company, but I can't sleep. Rolling over for the tenth time in a few minutes, I decide to scroll through my phone for a distraction. As I click on my phone, springing it to life, I see a single message from Ben:

I'm sorry x

I decide then no matter what, I'm going to get my Ben back.