[Complete] Noise and Kisses {chicklit}

15

Having spent the last week replaying the events of New Year's Eve in my mind, I decide to take the plunge and call Ben. I know it's likely a mistake, but since we go to the same college, which starts up again tomorrow, we're bound to bump into each other. Better to clear the air and avoid any potential drama on campus. Again.

He answers immediately.

"Holly? Are you ok?" He has a slight panic in his tone, which throws me off.

"I'm fine, I'm good... thanks - how are you?"

"I'm OK, I –"

"Good, listen, can we talk? I think we need to clear the air before college starts again." I say, my tone flat and cold.

"Sure - I can be at yours in 20 minutes?" His voice sounds hopeful and my heart clenches briefly.

"Oh! I was just gonna –"

"We should really talk in person..." he replies quickly.

"Ben, there's really no need. I've –"

He hangs up and within seconds, a text appears.

Please. I'll be there soon. x

Fifteen minutes later he texts again to let me know he's outside, so I pull on my leather jacket and converse and head to the car. I tap on the window, and he rolls it down.

"Hey... did you wanna get in?"

I think for a moment. "Not really. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know... we can drive around a bit?"

I roll my eyes and concede. "Fine – you've got 30 minutes."

For the first ten, neither of us says a thing, the uncomfortable silence laying thick in the air. Finally, he groans and pulls over.

"I can't take it anymore. Please say something." Ben pleads as he turns to face me.

"I don't know what to say." I admit, shrugging.

"Shout at me, call me a cunt! Give me some of your never-ending questions – anything, please - just no more silence."

He smiles and I can't help but smirk a little.
"OK... Why were you in Camden on New Year's Eve?"

He sighs. "I didn't know you were gonna be there, I swear. Pete and James practically forced me to go out with them. I saw you all out together and I started drinking and, well, you know the rest." I nod.

"How are you doing?" he asks, and I'm a little surprised.

"You're asking me?" He nods. "Heartbroken... but getting better every day." I say, honestly.

He sighs and pulls his hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I'm trying to sort myself, to be a better person..."

"That's great, Ben. Good for you." I reply, half-heartedly.

"So, are you and Matt..." I shake my head before he can finish his sentence and he exhales deeply, the relief clear in his eyes.

"For the record, the stuff I said to the boys... I never meant a word of it."

I look down, trying desperately hard to avoid his gaze. I know that if I see those green eyes staring at me again, I might just jump into his arms.

"Look, maybe... maybe someday we can try to be friends again." I say, peering out the window.

He sighs. "I don't think we'll ever be 'just friends', but we can try."

He starts driving again and I put some music on to lighten the mood. "Another Holly special?!" He jokes, as The Used, Buried Myself Alive starts playing.

"How dare you! This is my favourite band of all time... and this song, is everything. Listen."

I restart the song and we drive in silence, listening to the music. When it's finished, Ben rubs his hand through his hair.

"Well?"

"...it's... alright."

"You bloody loved it! I knew you would! You should listen to their albums. They're all great, but this first album? Is just perfection."

He briefly smiles at me, and I continue to play DJ until we return to my home.

"Well," I say, unbuckling my seatbelt, "thanks for clearing the air. I'll see you around." Closing the door, I begin to walk away but he calls me back.

"Hols! Before you go..."

"Yeah?" I say, a little confused.

"I..." he awkwardly clears his throat before running a hand through his hair, "... look, you're my girl, ok? Pete, Matt, Becca, fucking whoever... it doesn't matter. We'll always find a way back to each other, because you know, and I know we're meant to be together." His piercing green eyes burn into me, and my stomach stirs. I swiftly turn and walk to my front door. I don't look back. I know if I do, I'll cry.

When I reach my room, I try to hold back the tears, but I can't keep them in any longer. I've worked so hard to push down my emotions, but now they're brimming to the surface, just waiting to be released again.

The hardest part to admit to myself is that I feel the same way. Despite everything, I can't shake him. And it scares the shit out of me.