[Complete] Noise and Kisses {chicklit}

10

Once again, I dread College, but when Mark casually mentions that Ben is out sick, I feel some relief. By Thursday, I've managed to push him to the back of my mind, so I'm shocked when I walk into the smoking area and see him standing there.

I curse under my breath and turn to leave.

"Holly!" He shouts, jumping from the railing and throwing his cigarette. I keep walking but he catches up to me.

"I've been trying to contact you for days!" He says angrily.

"Yeah, well, I blocked you!" I spit back.

"Can you stop for a second and talk to me?"

"I have nothing else to say to you, Ben!" I say, picking up speed.

"Oh, for fuck's sake! Just let me –"

"I don't need your explanations or apologies! You owe me nothing... just leave me alone!" I say, louder and more emotional than I would have liked, and walk off.

I see people staring, and I bite down on my lip willing myself to keep it together. I head into the library, and hide in the back corner, hoping he doesn't follow. My chest is heaving, and I feel sick. There's no way I can go to class like this, so I wait for five minutes, feigning interest in the fiction section before leaving. I start walking and don't stop, and before I know it, I've cleared the gates and I'm on my way to the gated gardens.

I take a seat at the first bench, put in my headphones, light up a cigarette and start to cry. After an hour of smoking way too many cigarettes and completely cried out, I make my way back to college. I'm so disappointed in my reaction. Again. I don't recognise myself.

As I walk through the gate, I see Ben approaching with his head down. I debate turning back, but it's too late. He notices me and starts to walk faster. The knots in my stomach begin twisting as we edge closer.

"Did you skip class?"

"I had a doctor's appointment." I lie, not able to meet his gaze.

"Can we talk? I feel so bad f –"

"I'm serious Ben, I really don't want to hear it."

I continue walking and hear my name and a couple of "fucks" thrown in the air before I've made enough distance between us.

At the end of the day, I look through my bag and can't find my headphones anywhere. I must've left them on the bench at the gardens. Cursing myself, I make my way out of class with the bustling crowd, desperate to leave but in no rush to head home. Leaving the gates, I see Ben waiting with my headphones. Groaning, I slowly make my way over to him.

"A funny place for a doctor's appointment..." he says, holding the wires out to me. I take them but don't say anything.

"Can I drive or walk you home? It's almost dark and we don't want any more dramas in alleys, do we?" his tone is light-hearted, but it does nothing to cheer me up.

"I'll be fine - thanks."

I plug my headphones in and continue to walk on, but I'm aware of his presence closely behind. As we near the end of the journey, he speeds up and holds his hand out to stop me. I freeze but don't look up to him. He pulls the headphones from my ears and sighs deeply.

"Look, Holly, I know you don't want to hear this, but I need to say it anyway. I'm sorry about Becca. Nothing happened..."

I scoff.

"You don't have to believe me, but it's true. I'm... I'm just fucked up. When anything good comes my way, I ruin it. And... you're too good."

"Bullshit!" I reply simply.