[Complete] Noise and Kisses {chicklit}

16

With the New Year, came a new Holly, vowing to limit my pub excursions and parties in favour of my studies. With final exams only five months away, I really needed to buckle down and get my shit together.

In our first few weeks back at college, I'd hardly seen Ben, and any time we've caught glances, we've simply nodded or smiled politely at one another. The false niceties wore me thin.
My heart still leapt into my throat at the sight of him, making me expectant during every cigarette and every walk around the campus. With each week, it felt more difficult to get through the day when I didn't see him. I longed for those momentary interactions.

In early February, whilst making my way home from the library, I receive an unexpected phone call.

"Hey! How are you doing? It's been a while..." Matt's tone is warm and friendly, and I smile.

"Hi ­– I'm good thanks, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I haven't seen you around recently – are you avoiding me?" he jokes.

I laugh. "I was thinking the same thing."

"No chance, where would I get my dose of drama?" he jokes again.

"Oh, ha-ha... I'm glad you find my life so amusing." I say, keeping my tone light.

"Aww, I'm only kidding. Listen, I was calling to see if you want to hang out sometime?" I'm surprised by his question and my mouth can't seem to find the words to respond.

"Hello? Holly? You still there?"

"Hi, sorry, bad connection. Erm, sure... why not." I immediately think of Ben and my heart aches. As much as he's still on my mind, I know that the smartest thing to do is to try to move on. Even if something within me still hopes that he'll change.

"Ok cool, I'll text you. Take care." he hangs up and I'm overwhelmed with guilt.

How would Ben feel if he found out that Matt had asked me out? I exhale deeply. He's probably already moved on, or moved back to Becca and hasn't given me another thought. My mind flashes back to when I saw her straddling him at the pub and I feel sick. I shake my head violently, trying to remove the crushing image from my mind.

***

The next day, I tell Leila about my call with Matt.

"Finally! I was wondering when he was going to ask you out," she says, excitedly.

"I'm supposed to be focussing on prepping for the exams though..." I say, trying to justify my lack of enthusiasm.

"Oh, shut up! They're not until May, you've got plenty of time... if only Mark would ask me out sometime." Leila twists a piece of hair between her fingers and sighs.

"How's it going with you two?"

"It's good. We always just stay in though... I wanna be wined and dined, damnit!" she says, laughing lightly.

"Valentine's Day is just around the corner - maybe he'll surprise you?"

"Oooh, I hope so! I've never had a boyfriend on Valentines before." I make a mental note to hint to Mark next time I see him.

"Right, I'm going for a smoke before class." I say, standing.

"Still not run into him?" She asks and I shake my head. "I think he avoids me altogether."

"Probably for the best, eh?"

"Yeah..." I agree, but part of me still hopes he might be there, brooding away.

I walk round to the smoking area and light up. Exhaling, I look around and see a butt, still smoking on the floor. It's probably just been discarded by a teacher in a rush, but in my head it's Ben's and we just missed each other. Again. I sigh. I really do need to move on. And maybe a date with Matt is just what I need.

***

On Thursday night I receive a text from Matt.

Hey, how you doing? You still up for doing something together? x

Sure - what do you have in mind?

How about dinner and a movie? There's a new film out with Ryan Reynolds - looks hilarious x

Against my better judgement on the movie-date scenario, I agree. But only because it's Ryan Reynolds and there's dinner, which means we can still get to know each other.

The next day at college, Matt catches me on the way to class. I haven't actually seen him in person since New Year's and I'd forgotten just how attractive he is.

"Oh hey! So tonight, I was thinking Thai food - if you're into it?"

"I love Thai - sounds great to me."

As he smiles, he bites a little on his lip piercing, which makes my eyes drift to his lips. I can't help but blush. "Cool - can I pick you up?"

I nod. "That would be nice - I'll text you my address."

"Sweet. See you later." He winks and walks away. Butterflies start to swirl in my stomach before the overwhelming pang of guilt rips through me. Conflicted, I wait until the feeling subsides before I head into my next class.

At lunch, filled with a sense of dread I can't shake, I opt for a cigarette slightly earlier than usual. As I crest the corner, I see Ben leaning against the railings. My breath hitches and the dread ramps up to a steady burn in the pit of my stomach. We smile awkwardly at each other, and I quickly light up.

"I thought you might have given up..." he says, his green eyes piercing through me.

"I don't think I'm ready to... just yet."

He nods and smiles before flicking his butt onto the floor.

"See you around, Holly."

His voice sends shivers down my spine and as he walks past, I'm intoxicated by lemon and tobacco. I don't think he was talking about cigarettes... and I don't think I was either.