Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 50

Holland POV

  I've never questioned whether cabin fever was a real thing or not. 

  Until now. 

  And right now, no one would have to convince me. Many would have to try hard to make me believe it's not a real thing, and trust me, no one is up for that task right now. 

  "Can't I go somewhere else for the ultrasound?" I beg Joy a couple days later. "I mean, let me see something other than these four walls. I'm getting kind of tired of staring at the same floral painting every day."

  Joy isn't quite living up to her name. I mean, for herself probably so because she's genuinely a bubbly personality. But for me, she's sucking the little bit of joy right out of my room every time she comes in and shuts down any of my ideas. 

  "Sorry, friend. You  know the rules we have to follow."

  "I guess you've never heard of the old adage 'rules are meant to be broken?'" I groan, trying to get comfortable in this hospital bed.  I will say that I'm relatively sure the beds on our floor are at least a little more comfortable than those found in other areas of the hospital. 

  The woman actually laughs as she continues setting up the ultrasound machine. "I will happily break the rules for you when it is actually necessary. Now, is not that time."

  I try one last time, a last ditch effort. "I'll share my dessert with you the next time Ari brings brownies." Nothing. "I'll let you have the entire banana creme pie his fiancée brings."

  That statement catches her eye, but not for what one might think. "He's still with her?"

  I realize now that I may have let Shauna's words the other day not sink in quite as far as I thought they had. I need to continue to play my part and act as though he and I aren't really a thing. 

  And outside of these four walls, technically, we aren't.

  "Why wouldn't he be?" I ask, attempting to be nonchalant and probably failing. "The wedding is just a few weeks away."

  The look written across her face tells me she isn't buying what I'm selling. "We all see it, Holland. That big, burly man turns into a straight love sick puppy when you're near."

  "No, no. He doesn't." I guess it's possible, while I see him still as just the loveable friend he's always been to me, others might see something completely different. But to me, he's always been loving and doting towards me.  

  Maybe just not like he has been now. I mean I guess there is a certain level of intimacy when a man who is not your husband kisses your belly even if there is a layer of scratchy hospital gown barrier between lips and skin. 

  "He's just being kind to me, Joy." And even though I hate the man, I play the dead husband card. "Have you forgotten I'm all alone now? He's just trying to be the kind of guy his friend would want him to be."

  "Most guys don't have heart eyes for their best friend's girl."

  She shifts my gown up, detaching the monitor bands in order to begin the ultrasound. "Again, dead husband. It's pity," I tell her, secretly hoping and praying that I can save myself from actually believing the words I'm saying. 

  You see, that's not really an unusual occurrence, people saying something enough times that they finally believe it themselves.  If Ari tells me he's working on leaving Lissy, then I believe him. But I also know that men are liars.

  Exhibit A: dead husband.

  I have a choice. I can keep telling myself all the lovey dovey hopeful thoughts where Ari is concerned. Or, I focus on the comments I keep telling people to help hide the fact that we're secretly together.  If one thought process occurs more often than the other, I will start to believe it whether it's true or not. 

  Now I'm terrified that I'm truly beginning to believe he won't leave her. Even I told him as such the other day smack in the middle of my hormone infused ramble of frustrations. 

  The feel of cold jelly hits my stomach, followed by the ultrasound wand so I shift my focus towards the screen rather than the crazed jumble of incoherent thoughts attempting to turn my brain to mush. "Are we checking everything?" I ask.

  "Pretty much," Joy answers, focusing in on Evy's heart first. She flips the switch on the monitor and the room is soon filled with the thumping sound of the baby's heart beat in quick succession. 

  It's truly one of my favorite sounds. Until I can hear her cry outside the womb, this is the only way I know she's alright and I'm keeping her safe. 

  Joy takes some measurements of the limbs and her skull, letting me know that she's measuring a week ahead of schedule, sitting between 32 and 33 weeks as far as her growth is concerned. Then she moves on to measure the amniotic fluid.  I watch her eyes turn to slits for a moment, working the wand along to find what she's looking for. 

  "Well?" My eyes flick between her face and the screen of the machine. I know that face, I've made that face. 

  "Okay, good," is her response. "Looks good. It hasn't decreased too much lately, so I think Miss Laurel Evy can keep on cooking right where she is."

  I breathe a sigh of relief so loudly that I don't realize my door has opened until Shauna is strolling through with a small duffle in her hand. "We all good?"  She's asking Joy, not myself.

  Joy breaks out into a wide smile and I realize these two are up to something. "Yep. All is good."  She gives my foot a tap from its spot under the blanket before sliding past Shauna. 

  My friend has a devilish smile across her features, her fingers tapping against one another with a wiggle. 

  "What are you up to?"

*Unedited