Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 43

Holland POV

  Two weeks have passed by. Or rather two weeks have dragged on making it begin to feel like an eternity of being on this side of the maternity floor. 

  At first, it was kind of enjoyable.  Shauna had brought up a firestick and I'd begun watching all the shows I had always wanted to binge but never actually had the time to do so.  She would come in on her break and we'd watch a short twenty minute episode of Friends. In fact, each nurse would join me on their break, each one having a different show that we'd watch just the two of us. Sometimes we would forego the television and play a card game. 

  Ari would come up before his shift, and again after, no matter how dog tired he was. Sometimes it nearly broke my heart, but he would insist with droopy eyes that he wanted to be near his girls if only for a little bit.

  We hadn't shared another kiss, and he hadn't broken things off with Lissy.  I keep my thoughts to myself, not letting him know that I knew it wouldn't be as easy as he'd hoped. 

Admissions made don't mean anything if it's not privy to all involved parties. 

 I could be ugly towards him, make my own demands about being the other woman. I probably would have if it weren't for the fact that he's done nothing more than hold my hand and kiss my forehead like he use to.  

 But the most awkward moments spent in this bed is when Lissy comes to visit. You see, I may not be pushing him to make a choice, to figure out his life, to break one of our hearts completely, but I'm still very guilty. As soon as he said the words 'I need to kiss you,' I could've and should've said, 'No," and left it at that. But I'm human, flawed and make terrible decisions.

  Exhibit A, marrying Jerm-bag.

  Yes, Shauna's been using the nickname more often in passing and it may or may not have begun to stick around. She'd talked me out of sending the twenty-five grand donation straight to the loan company, telling me to maybe make one lump payment of ten thousand and put the rest in savings to help me out after Laurel's birth. 

  Lissy has brought some type of baked good each trip, including a banana creme pie. I don't have the heart to tell her that the baby has decided to internally gag at the smell of banana now. Since it has to be refrigerated I immediately call another nurse in to take it to the break room fridge and that I'm happy to share. By the time the third one came, they knew the whole thing was up for grabs without being told. 

  "Ari has been so busy lately," she tells me, settling down into the chair beside my bed, shuffling the deck of cards. 

  I know I'm partly to blame, but it's not like I'm asking him to come the way he has been. In fact, I've not asked at all.  Each step he takes into my room is on his own accord, whether being drawn to me or strictly to Evy, only he knows. 

 "I'm sorry, I guess that's kind of my fault," I admit, tentative in hopes that she doesn't start tearing me apart. Why I think she would, I'm not sure. She actually hasn't ever shown me anything except kindness.

"Oh, it's not just being here," she assures me with a sweet smile. "He's picking up extra shifts, which normally wouldn't bother me but he's barely even been by the house to spend quality time with Mason and I. He does pick up Mason to take to school, and from school if it works out."

 My throat tightens, sadness clenching at my heart, somehow managing to have forgotten about Mason in this equation. Lissy's hand shakes as she wipes away a stray, random tear. "He hasn't even stayed the night since the Fireman's Ball."

  I mask my sigh of relief by taking a drink of water, adding to my moment by refilling the cup. He's making an effort then, right? He's pulling away from her, but also means he's pulling away from Mason.