Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 26

Ari POV

  Running behind Holland into her bedroom, I'm shocked to find her in the middle of her floor, her hands gripping her stomach. "Holland, what the hell is going on?" the intensity of my voice stronger and more desperate than I'd planned for. 

  She shakes her head, making me think that I've made it worse by yelling at her. She continues to cry, her eyes tight. 

  I've never felt this type of fear in my life for another human being. 

  You may think, Ari, how is that possible? You fight fires, save lives daily and seen some really gruesome situations. 

  It's a simple answer really. 

  I didn't love any of those people I've saved.

  The relationship, the friendship I've built with the woman in front of me surpasses my feelings for most people in my life, outside of my sister, my son, and maybe eventually Lissy. 

  I reach out, momentarily touching her shoulders before I realize that's not going to bring her out of whatever turmoil she's in. Without question I move towards her face, cupping her cheeks in my palms, feeling the river of tears against the palms of my hands. When she looks back at me I stutter, the question being asked once more, unsure if I'll ever get my answer. "What is going on?" I ask in a more even tone this time.

  "My life is essentially over before it ever began, to the tune of a hundred thousand dollar loan that I had nothing to do with."

  The statement drops me completely to the floor in front of her. "What do you mean?"

  She begins shaking her head side to side again. I'm unsure if it's because she doesn't want to answer me or if she's trying to get my hands away from her. When she reaches up to grip my wrists and pulls, I have  my answer. 

  "It's nothing, Ari," she wipes her tear streaked face with the lightweight sweater she's wearing.  "It's fine. Everything will be fine," she mutters to herself as she struggles to get up. I offer her my hand but she bypasses it, reaching out to grip the edge of the bed's footboard. 

  "Tell me what's going on?" I demand, my hands on my hips, waiting expectantly for some type of an answer. 

  She answers me with a curt no before walking out towards the kitchen. I see her reach into her fridge, pulling out a jug of some sort that's filled about a quarter of the way with something pale yellow in color.  She grabs a disposable cup from the cupboard before walking back through the house and into her bedroom once more. 

  I follow behind her, stopping only when she shuts the bathroom door in my face. "This feels oddly familiar," I nearly chuckle at the reminder of the day of Jeremy's funeral. We were both on opposite sides of the door, except this time she won't be holding a pregnancy test when she steps out. 

  She doesn't respond, all I can hear are broken sniffles and water running.  When she opens the door she only has the jug in her hand and walks it back into the kitchen. As she tries to pass me this time, I reach out and grab her forearm with my unsprained hand. "Tell me," I repeat.

  "Your best friend forged my signature and left me with a hundred thousand dollar loan to pay off," she finally tells me, her tone is quiet, her voice strained. 

  I find it all hard to believe. "That doesn't sound like Jeremy." She pushes against my chest for me to release her arm. "Holland, that doesn't sound like the guy I knew!"

  "No shit, Ari!" she spins around, nearly biting my head off with the venom in her words. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't the guy I married either. But maybe, just maybe, we didn't actually know him at all!"

  I take a step closer to her, "You need to calm down, Holland."

  "I can't calm down, Ari! How do you not see that? Every time I let myself calm down, something happens. Something huge, too. Nothing little like a bad haircut that will just grow out. No, apparently my husband had the idea of 'Go Big or Go Home' leaving me in the freaking poor house!"  

  She walks away from me, pacing down the hall before throwing a door open. It's the room opposite their bedroom. Jeremy used it as a storage room before marrying Holland. I hadn't heard whether or not anything was planned for that to change, but if I had to guess I'd say it's on its way to becoming a nursery. 

  The door slams against the wall so hard that I can see a hole the size of the door handle through the crack between the door and its frame as I follow behind her. Immediately Holland begins opening box after box, digging through items, throwing things around the room. I have many questions, each one getting stuck in my throat as she continues to tear through. I duck out of the way when Jeremy's letterman jacket gets tossed over her shoulder. 

  "How could I have been so stupid?" she screams, grabbing up one of his old lacrosse trophies, slinging it against the wall. Another dent in place as it shatters to the floor. "Why did I ever even move here? I had a decent life in West Virginia, a decent job, family surrounding me. Then I come here, have the bare minimum in friends, fall in love, marry to only become a widow, discover I'm pregnant and left behind to deal with an insurmountable debt all on my own! Debt that I didn't even make!" She whips her head around towards me. "Did you know I was completely debt free when we got married. I didn't owe a penny. No credit cards, no student loans, absolutely nothing. And now I'll be leaving my child in debt when I die, because there is no way I will ever be able to pay all of that money back!" There's the briefest moment of relief on her face before it's turning red once more in anger. "I'm gonna have to sell the house. That's the only way I'll be able to keep it from falling on her shoulders later in life. Damn it! Why the hell were you friends with someone like that? Why didn't you warn me!" she raises a hand to hit my chest.

  She's throwing words left and right at me, pure anger flowing through every syllable of every word. And all I can think about is how I wish I'd made that first move more obvious. I can't change her past, but I can change this moment.

   I catch her arm, roughly pulling her closer to me. My opposite hand immediately threading my fingers through her hair as my lips find a home that I'd only ever dreamed of.