Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 39

Ari POV

  Maybe using the unborn child as leverage to be close to Holland was a little underhanded, but some how I just knew the baby would have my back.  But pulling Holland up from her seat and closer to my body felt right, like pieces were just beginning to fit together.

  I don't walk her onto the ballroom dance floor. I wanted this to be a moment between just the two of us without prying, questioning eyes. Especially since I knew Lissy's would be one set, just on the simple fact that I wouldn't give in to her pleas for a dance earlier in the evening. 

  The band's crooner begins a beautiful tribute to Nat King Cole, every word feels like it's piercing my heart and making me come to terms about my feelings for the woman currently in my arms.  But along with each piercing comes every beat, reminding me that I am another woman's man, a woman that I have a son with who shares my same eyes.

  "Holland" I say softly, bringing her attention up with an equally quiet 'yeah.' My hand releases her waist, rising to touch her soft curls, pushing them off of her shoulder, exposing more of her beautiful flesh. "Can I tell you something?"

  The weight of this 'something' can change the trajectory of both of our lives, and even the lives of those we're connected to.  Multiple people affected by just a simple admission. 

  I don't know if my brain's thoughts finally became clear due to hearing Holland deciding to name the baby after me, or the insane amount of jealousy I felt at the thought of Blain being a part of something that I wanted for myself. 

  "Of course," she answers.

  A deep breath fills my lungs, filling me with purpose and drive to actually say what I've been feeling for weeks, for months. Yet, I'm still terrified, zero confidence in the direction that this moment will lead us to, and all I know is I want to be closer to her right now, feed off of the comfort her caring nature provides. Leaning in closer, my forehead automatically dips, finding hers as I close my eyes, scared to see her reaction when I admit my secret to her.

  "I wish I was Evy's father."

   I expected the weight to drip off of my chest, my admission out in the open. But now a heavier weight encompasses me, the unknown of Holland's own thoughts hanging over me.

  "Can I tell you something, Ari?" she asks. A simple yes falling from my lips. "I'd like you to look at me when I say it."

  It takes so much effort for me to open my eyes and gaze at the woman that I wish was in my bed each day. The woman I wish were carrying my child. The woman I want a future with more than anything in the world. 

  Her hand sits softly against my bearded jaw, eyes so tender and filled with sweet desire. "I wish you were, too."

  The heaviest sigh of relief fans her face as I feel my body relax under her touch, under her declaration that matches my own. "I feel like I should kiss you," I admit, my heart beating nearly out of my chest.  She giggles, a soft pink beginning to build from between the low v-neck of her dress, growing all the way to the apple of her cheeks. I change my approach, wanting her to know it's not just a feeling but a longing, a want, a craving. "I need to kiss you, beautiful."

 Her own words make my heart skip, "I need you to kiss me."

  Who am I to not give her what she wants? I'd give this woman the moon and stars if she asked for it. No, I'd give them to her without her ever asking. 

  The sheer torture I put myself through by taking my time, savoring the moment out of pure fear that when we step away from each other regret will hang in the air.  I deserve a damn medal for not immediately crushing my lips to hers, tasting her quickly.

  Instead I drag it out, enjoying the look of longing and lust that passes over her face, her eyes hooding as my thumb barely brushes against her lower lip.  I feel a smirk growing when I see her eyes dance between my own and my lips, watching her desire grow for me, for this moment that we won't ever get back. As my thumb leaves her lip, I hear a stutter in her breathing, my hand now going to the nape of her neck, fingers threading through the soft curls of her brown hair. Holland's eyes begin to close as I lean in, the tip of my nose brushing along the length of hers, placing the smallest peck against the tip of her adorable nose. 

  "Is that enough?" I ask, teasing her, enjoying the squirm of her body against mine.

  Her answer comes in the form of a slight movement of her head from side to side, and the mumble of a "No," so close to my lips that I can feel the warmth from her mouth. 

  I change tactics, my lips pressing against her forehead this time while the tips of my fingers press a little harder against the base of her skull. "What about now?"

  Her sigh is desperate, "Ari."

 The way she says my name is unlike any other way I've heard it before, stopping my heart all together. "This feels like I'm standing at the gates of heaven, beautiful. I don't want to rush it," I whisper, my lips hovering over hear ear before I place a kiss just below it. A soft whimper fills my ears as her hands fist the collar of my tux. 

  My own patience wanes as I tentatively brush my lips against Holland's, her breath becoming my own when my mouth closes around hers. This kiss is in a league of its own, lips moving as though they've been connected to one another for years, a routine so easily fallen into though all still new. 

  My hand slips higher into her hair, completely encompassing the back of her head holding her lips against mine , her own hands tugging my suit and pulling me closer to her. A needy, quiet moan slips between us, giving me an opportunity that I've only dreamed about as my tongue slips between her lips brushing against her own. 

 We're both living for this moment, uncaring if anyone should see, or interrupt. Alone in our own world we're creating, just the two of us and a precious unborn baby that I'm prepared to love as though she's my own. 

  Suddenly, Holland's body stiffens, the motion of her mouth stopping as she pulls away completely. I panic as I see her mouth forming a circle as her hands clutch her stomach.  "What is it?"

  "I need to get to the hospital. Now."