Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 28

  Holland POV

It's been a week since the ill timed, ill fated, kiss with Ari. 

  Guilt has been eating away at me. I can't seem to eat a single meal without my stomach churning. And as much as I'd like to blame it on the baby, I can't. Sleeping has been a nightmare in itself as well. When I manage to clear my mind enough to drift off, I'm bombarded with dreams of Ari and his little family, happy and free. Or, I relive the kiss, but when I pull away from Ari it's Jeremy that's standing behind him giving me a look that can only be described as pure hatred. 

  Maybe what he's showing me is a mirrored reflection of how I feel about him. 

  I have never felt such resentment toward another person the way I do with Jeremy. He's not here to even give me his side of the story which means I'm having an incredibly difficult time giving him the benefit of the doubt. All I have is the information these different agencies have given me, which really leads to nothing except my husband was a lying, conniving piece of-

  "What's going on with you?" Shauna asks quietly as she slips out of our patient's door, grabbing me to pull along behind her. "You didn't do anything in there that I had asked of you. Where is your mind, Holland?"

  "Sorry," I scrub my hand down my face, attempting to wipe away my irritations and frustrations. One look back at Shauna's expectant face and I know I haven't been successful. "Just a little stressed."

  "I'm not buying it," she tells me, grabbing up the patients file, writing in a couple of notes. "I've seen you work through some really stressful times, and you weren't as absent minded as you are right now. Spit it out."

  "I can't." I march off past her, headed to the nursery because I know there is only one thing that might put me in a better mood, and arguing with her about my issues is not it.

  She grabs my arm just as I'm about to scan my badge to open the nursery door. "That's not going to fix it."

  Thankfully my beeper goes off, asking for me in the exact place I'm headed. "Would you look at that?" I ask, showing her the page before slipping through the door.  "Which one needs some extra love and care?" I question the nursery staff, ready and willing to pour my heart and soul into any of the little loves who need a little something extra.

  "I don't know that you're ready for this, Holland." I stare back at Jessa, surprised by her words because they know I've sat with babies who are detoxing from being born addicted to drugs. "I've got a set of twins, both born with Down Syndrome."

  I don't really see the absurdity that I guess she's finding in it. "What's wrong with that?" I ask tentatively, already taking my spot in the rocking chair.

  "The parents don't want them now. Said they weren't prepared for anything less than perfect and normal."

  "Shut up." I want to use many more choice words but that is something that we draw the line with inside the maternity floor nursery. "Tell me you're joking."

  Jessa shakes her head, adjusting the blanket of one before settling the little boy in my arms. "I wish I were. They've already got services coming up with an adoption agency."

  My heart sinks further when the sweet girl is brought over as I fix my arms to accept both of the tiny six pound babies. I can't even start humming through the tears that are filling my eyes and the thickness sitting in my throat. "I'd take you home with me if I could," I tell them both, their beautiful almond shaped eyes looking up at me with a wide eyed hope.  

"Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine