Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 11

  One question that seems to go unanswered as the following week drags on: Why was Jeremy in Connecticut?

I shouldn't say one question, as when I called his uncle and family in South Dakota to let them know of his passing I discovered he hadn't been with them since he came home after the first month. "But I thought," I shake my head, rattling my brain, "He said," I stumble over my words, Ari watching me closely across the kitchen table only hearing one side of the conversation.

They offer me their condolences, as I apologize for not calling them sooner so they could've made the funeral. They pay no mind to me, confused themselves as even more questions left unanswered when the line goes silent and I hear the dial tone.

"Do you know anyone in Connecticut?" I ask Ari.

His brow pulls in concentration as he thinks. "I mean, Lissy is from Connecticut. Her brother is still there with his family, but not Hartford. Maybe a guy from the academy?" he offers, pulling at what feels like invisible strings, trying to find something to placate me.

The police officers couldn't tell me anything other than he'd been in his car. His death caused by a head on collision. The other driver had also perished and the passenger left injured. Through Jeremy's toxicology report they'd found his blood alcohol level was three times over the legal limit.

"Why would he lie to me, Ari? This wasn't just a simple tiny white lie. He left the station under the guise of family medical needs, left me here alone and was only just an hour and a half away." My voice begins to strain as one hand goes to my chest, swallowing down the bile that threatens to rise as I attempt to put piece after misfitting piece together. "What was he hiding, Ari?"

My friend runs a hand through his thick hair, pushing the locks out of his face for only a half of a moment before they're falling back in place. "I wish I could tell you, beautiful," his hand reaching across the table, slipping my cell out of my hand before replacing it with his own hand. "None of it sounds like him, not the guy I grew up around or worked daily with the last few years. I'm as confused as you are."

I push my chair back, leaving his hand on the table between us. "I've got to get ready."

"Ready? Ready for what?"

"For work," I call out over my shoulder as I walk down the hallway.

When I emerge from the room, I find Ari leaning against the wall just outside my bedroom door. His shoulder rests against the wall next to one of our wedding photos. The picture taken from behind me as I was walking down the aisle, Ari grinning widely next to Jeremy at the front of the church. I'd always loved the photo because of the memory it gave me, seeing a pool of tears in the midst of my future husband's eyes.

"You've got no business going to work right now," he says sternly, his arms pushed against his chest making his biceps bulge under his station t-shirt.

I roll my eyes as I walk past him, my shoes hanging from my fingers. I drop them on the floor by my door, slipping my feet into them. "Holly!" he calls out after me. I jerk my body around, my finger pointing at him in anger. "Don't call me that! Jeremy is the only one ever allowed to call me that."

He takes a couple steps closer, a quiet "Sorry," falling from his lips in a sigh. "You need to take some time off."

"That's not an option, Levy." My finger slips into the back of my shoe, adjusting it against my heel before moving to the next. "You see, your best friend, my husband, made one poor choice and has now left me as a widow and his child without a father. I have no choice but to go to work and take care of the two of us. There's no one else to do it for me, mourning be damned."

Ari POV

I stand there for a moment, staring at the door as it closes behind Holland, listening to her car crank and the engine grow quiet as she pulls off towards the hospital. I wish I had some form of an answer to give her, anything other than what's become a patented 'I'm here for you,' response to most of her fears and insecurities.

I'm off for the rest of the day, having finished a shift before bringing breakfast over to Holland and watching her pick at it before running off to the sink to vomit. She'd told me it had calmed down to just being when she brushed her teeth, but apparently the little bean had decided that avocado toast wasn't in its taste palette. I had apologized profusely as I held her hair back, wiping her forehead with a wet paper towel and offered to sit with her when she made the call to Wesley and his family. 

I could go over to Shauna's but she's working a day shift today as well, which gives me a thought to go and annoy the two of them at the hospital. Instead, I climb into my truck and head back to the station, looking for some form of answers that I could maybe give Holland and put her mind at ease.

"Levinson, what are you doing back already. Somebody ask you to pull a shift for them?" Captain Schneider greets me as I knock on his office door.

"Nah, I wanted to talk to you about some stuff with Gable. You got a minute?" He gives me a nod. I walk into the small office, just big enough for his desk, a filing cabinet and a chair that sits across from him. I pull the chair further back to meet me and plop down, leaning back casually while my legs spread a bit in comfort.

"Not sure I can give much information or insight, but whatcha got?" He sits forward on his desk, his arms settling on top of the old wood. 

  "How long before his widow can get his pension? I know he didn't have the years put in for a full, but there's gotta be at least half, right?" My hand smooths over my mustache and beard, a yawn trying to break forth and remind me that I should be at home sleeping rather than back here at the station.

My captain's eyes grow into near slits before he's backing up to pull open one of the drawers in the filing cabinet, one closest to the old linoleum flooring. "First, why do you want to know?"

Such an odd question in my opinion, but I answer honestly. "His wife just found out she's pregnant. I want to make sure that they're going to be taken care of so she can take some time off after little Gable comes along."

Schneider slaps the folder onto his desk, opening it up before passing a sheet over to me. "I shouldn't be showing you this, you're not a next of kin or any relation to him."

I give a nod, taking the paper in my hand with realization that he could get into a lot of trouble for sharing this with me. My eyes glance over, reading along the black words, confusion and fear growing in my chest.  "This can't be right."

  "Afraid so. I double checked it myself."

  My eyes close slowly, the paper slipping through my fingers and landing on my lap as I try to wrap my  head around the fact that there isn't a single dime left to give to Holland. 

*Unedited