Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 32

Ari POV

  I hadn't given Felicity too many details, outside of the fact that I'd secured a babysitter and was taking her out. She was all in a cute little panic when I left the house this afternoon, wondering about what exactly she should wear or if it was just a casual trip up the road for wings and fries. 

  "Something that hugs everything I love about you," I whispered over her ear before leaving her muttering a lot of incoherent words. "I'll be back to get you at six. Be ready!"

  "But, won't you need to get ready?" she calls out as I'm climbing into my truck.

  "Don't worry about me, baby. Tonight's about you," I give her a wink and crank the engine. She stands in the doorway of the house, her arms hugging herself as she smiles back at me, a hand coming up to cover her giggles. 

  Damn, that's adorable.

  I'd gotten a call from the physician that ran my physical, asking if I could come in some time soon. Worried filled my chest for a moment, thinking my career may very well be over. However the doctor assured me it wasn't something that would change my firefighting status, but something that needed to be discussed in person if I was available. Figured since Chief gave me the day I might as well put the whole day to use rather than just the evening.

  There isn't really a time where I like walking into the hospital empty handed. I enjoy bringing something up to labor and delivery for my sister and friend. I want them both to know they're being thought about and appreciated in a career that sometimes has more downs than ups. When I see one of their two faces light up at the items in my hands it makes my heart happy. Yes, a big burly oaf like myself simply enjoys seeing Holland's smile. I mean, Holland and my sister's smile. Because I bring something to both of them. Yeah, it's for both of them. 

  Certainly can't be just for my best friend's wife. 

  And yet, it's the moment she moved her mouth against my lips that replays over and over. Normally, I could push past it, not dwell on it. But now it's happening every time I kiss Lissy, my mind screaming 'It's not Holland' over and over. 

 I haven't told Lissy about my lapse in judgement. Although, I have a sense that she'd forgive me, saying I was just trying to get her to calm down, to change the direction her brain was running rampant in. 

  Why do I think she'd say it? Because it's the excuse of a lie I would give for myself. Because it's the lie I've told myself over and over again, unwilling to let my brain and heart land on the same space of this 'Life' gameboard I'm playing. 

So, coming in empty handed isn't an option anymore. But, I also don't know what they'll be feeling either so I decide to be a little extra generous and just bring in an entire bag of their favorites.

 "What is all that?" Shauna asks when she spots me coming down her hall. I give a shrug of my shoulders and a quirk of a brow. "What do you think?"

  She follows behind me into the break room where I see Holland coming out of the restroom with a paper towel running over her hands. "Hi," she says quietly, her eyes darting from me down to the floor.

  "Hey, you." That sounded so insincere. I know why, too. It's because that's not her patented greeting from me. The word 'beautiful' still sitting on my tongue until I swallow it down when I set the bag on the table. "I wasn't sure what you two might be interested in, so you've got options."

  I pull everything out of the bag, noticing Holland's mouth practically salivating as I open up the chili cheese fries with extra sour cream from Johnny's. With a smirk on my face, I slide it over towards her, holding back my chuckle as she practically dives for it. 

  "Bad news, brother dear. I can't keep Mason tonight."

  My shoulders sag as I face my sister, one hand goes to my hip. "You're kidding."

  Shauna shakes her head no, informing me she's been asked to do a double and she can't turn it down. "Damn it," I mumble under my breath, hand reaching for my cell to break the news to Lissy. 

  "Drop him off with me."

  My head jerks up while my brows pull together, wondering if I heard Holland correctly. "Why are you looking at me like that? I owe the two of you for all y'all did with the nursery. I'll watch him."

  "You sure?" The words don't come from me, but my sister, making me wonder why she's questioning Holland's offer. She must notice my confusion as she continues speaking. "I mean, I'm sure you're gonna be exhausted and need to stay off of your feet."

  Holland waves her off with her fry laden fork. "It's fine. I just have a phone call I need to be home for, so it would be easier if you could drop him off."

  "Will do," I tell her, going in for a kiss to her forehead. "Thanks, Holland."  Even saying her name felt strange. 

Because that's not her name to you, idiot.

  "Alright, I'm headed up to get the rest of my results." I give a clap of my hands and a hug to my sister. "Enjoy the food. Share," I point at my sister.

  "I'm not the pregnant one!"

  "No, but you forget. I grew up with you." I turn my attention back to Holland. "I'll be by about six ten, six fifteen."

  "Sounds good," she says quietly, still barely meeting my eyes. 

~~~~

  Lissy answers the door in a stunning purple dress, surprised to find me standing there with a bundle of flowers, ready to take her out for the night. She looks nice and I tell her as such, although my mind is completely elsewhere.

  "Mason ready?" I ask, stepping just inside the door, my hand fumbling around in my pocket. 

  "Daddy!" he squeals, running up to give me a welcome home hug. "Does Aunt Holland like Disney?"

  "Biggest Disney fan around, bud. Whatcha got in mind?"  He grins, turning to show me his backpack that is filled to the brim with his Cars toys. "Oh, yeah. She's gonna love watching Cars with you."

  "Doesn't mommy look beautiful?" he asks, sweetly reaching up to hold Lissy's hand. 

  I stand back at full height, reaching over for her opposite hand. "Mama always looks pretty, bud. Alright, let's hit the road."

  Mason dashes out the door ahead of us. I feel Lissy's gentle touch on my bicep, asking me to wait. "You okay?" she asks, her blue eyes looking back and forth between my own.

  I nod, giving a small smile. "Yeah, all good." 

  And I manage to continue that charade, keeping myself in check and flowing with conversation the best I can. That is until Lissy leans up on her elbows across the table from me. The candlelight flickering in her eyes, making me falter, my smile fading a bit. "Ari, what's going on?"

  "What do you mean?" I ask, sitting up a little taller in my seat.

  "You don't seem yourself tonight. Not the flirty guy that left my house this morning, that's for sure," she teases, a small smirk on her lips.  I reach across the table, my hand covering hers with ease. She lifts it to her mouth, placing a kiss in the middle of my palm. "Talk to me, babe."

  Feeling a shutter in my chest, I take a deep breath and lick my lips. "How important is it to you to have more children?"  She studies my face, looking for a sign of where I'm going with this question. I decide to just spit it out. "The doctor today. Some of the extra tests they ran for the physical came back a little funny."

  "Baby, you're scaring me," she says quietly, holding my hand tightly between her own.

  "I have less than an eight percent chance of having another child, Felicity. And that chance will only go down more if I stay fighting fires."

*Unedited