Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 31

    Ari didn't give it a second thought, touching Holland's stomach and speaking to the unborn baby as though she was his own. He should though, and if he looked up to see Holland's face then he would've noticed the pained expression, or the way she's dabbing at the onslaught of tears sitting in the edge of her eyes. But, he and Joy are both too enthralled with the child's movements, allowing Holland her moment of self pity without anyone else seeing it.

  Or, so she thought.

  Shauna pops out of a sleeping mother's room, closing the door so quietly behind her that no one notices her presence just down the hall. She takes note of Ari first, and is surprised when she doesn't see a smile across Holland's face. Instead she sees a furrowed brow and fingers that are trying to catch unshed tears.

  "How'd it go?" she asks loudly, making sure to pull both Ari and Joy's attention in her direction, giving Holland the time she needs to sneak off without prying eyes discovering her tears. It works like a charm, Ari standing up and shifting his focus and body towards Shauna and Joy scooting off to do her job.  "You back on shift yet?"

  "Said everything looks alright, although some tests wont be back til Wednesday or so, but the big stuff has me cleared. So, I go back tomorrow. You two want something to eat before I head out?" Ari asks, turning to where Holland is no longer standing, his head swiveling to locate her somewhere in their vicinity. "Where'd she go?"

  Shauna takes the file she was holding over to the nurse's station, brushing past her brother. "Probably got paged. You know we do work around here. Can't all swoon over Casanova every time he drops in."

  "Ha, Ha. Thought that joke died a while ago. Especially since I've put my Casanova ways behind me these last few months," he reminds his sister, giving a mischievous grin in the process. "What are you doing Wednesday night? You working?"

  "Only if they ask me to pull a double. Why, whatcha got going on?"

  "I wanna take Lissy out. Do something nice for her. She's kind of having a hard time at the moment and I want to make it better," he informs her. 

  Shauna quirks a curious brow at her brother. "What is she having a hard time with? Mason struggling in school? Or job giving her crap or something?"

  She watches Ari take a deep breath, his arms crossing over his chest as he scans the area around them once more. "With the Holland stuff."

  "What the hell does she have to do with Holland's life? Outside of the insanity that was your son calling her Aunt. I mean, really Ari, what was that about?"  He shrugs his shoulders, being just as surprised as she as by the words coming from the little boy. "Seriously, Ari. What hard time is Felicity having with Holland? Because we both know that girl is nothing but sweet and caring to anyone who comes in her path, and has shown nothing but that with Lissy and Mason, too."

  "I think it's more what I'm doing for Holland," he says quietly, his eyes cast down to his shoes. "All the stuff I did for the nursery. She reminded me how I didn't do that for her and Mason."

  Shauna's head falls back so far that she's almost bent in half, groaning up at the ceiling. "That was her choice for not telling you, Ari. Don't let her guilt you. I know you'd have been there if you'd have known."

  "That's what I told her," he insists. "I mean, Holland is in a similar situation she was in. I can't help it if she was in it because she didn't tell me. Holland lost her husband. She deserves to have someone do these things to help her, right?"

  He's looking to his sister for reassurance, which she'll happily give him. "You and I both know that Holland deserves the world. And all this mess that Jeremy has left her in is infuriating to say the least."

  "See, that's what I tried explaining to Lissy, too. I told her all-"

  "Wait!" Shauna holds up a hand, her fingers coming together on one hand. "You told her about what Jerm-bag did? Ari, tell me you didn't tell her everything." His eyes shift and she knows her answer. "Damn it!" She swats his bicep hard, making Ari flinch and her hand sting. "That's not your place. You know Holland is a pretty private person and you just spilled her life's secrets to your girlfriend. Why would you do that?"

    "I had to make her see the difference, okay. It probably wasn't my finest moment but come on, Shauna. Lissy isn't going anywhere. She was going to eventually hear all about it anyways."

  With a shake of her head and her lips tight she stomps off away from him. "It wasn't your place, Ari!"

  "I'll be back with Johnny's in thirty. Let Holland know!"

  Shauna gives a flick of her wrist as she rounds the corner to the break room, pushing the door open to find Holland weeping with her face buried in her hands. She shuts the door behind her, flipping the lock before going and pulling out the chair next to her friend. "We've got thirty minutes before Ari shows back up. Talk."

  Holland lifts her face, her eyes already swollen in such a way that Shauna is reminded of the night Jeremy died, her heart breaking at the confusion that rests behind Holland's eyes. "What is going on?"

  "Ari kissed me," she mutters, her lips shaking as she says the words out loud for the first time. 

  Shauna's eyes grow in bewilderment. "He what? When?"

  "A couple weeks ago, after his accident, the day I found out about the loan."

  "And you feel what? Guilt?" she presses her friend, a hand reaching out to take her hand in hers in comfort. "Don't feel guilty. You said he kissed you. That's on that bastard, not you."

  Holland's lip trembles more as her eyes drop to the reassuring hand holding her own. "I kissed him back, Shauna." 

  "Oh, friend," she chuckles softly, her hand moving to rub Holland's back. "It's alright. You're missing Jeremy, and have all these weird hormones surging through your body. Don't beat yourself up over it. However I will beat him for doing something like that while he's got a girlfriend. Oh, maybe that means he's not happy with Flea-icity." Holland's tired eyes watch her, a glint of something opposite of regret shining through. "That's not what that was, was it? Oh my gosh," her shoulders drop. "You like Ari, don't you?"

  Holland shrugs her shoulders. "I think, maybe, I don't know," she shoves her chair back, beginning to pace the small area. "He's doing all these things that I expected Jeremy to be here for. Maybe that's why I'm seeing him that way. I'm seeing him be all fatherly towards a baby that's not his, and seeing him be a dad to Mason. Oh my gosh, Mason! No, Shauna, no. Whatever these weird feelings and emotions I've got bubbling up need to go back where they came from."

  "Uh, no they don't. Not if you really think there could be something with him. I mean, he obviously thinks something if he kissed you!"

  "He has a family, Shauna! I won't break that up, not for anything, especially not knowing if that's what I'm really feeling. Hell, he's just trying to fill some void that Jeremy isn't here for. Ari probably has some type of guilt eating away at him and he's trying to fix it through me." She stops her pacing, turning towards her best friend as she wipes away more tears. 

With a heavy doubt hanging over her shoulders but determination in her voice she says, "I will sit back on the sidelines and watch him be a psuedo father to mine and Jeremy's baby until Lissy gives him another that he can experience with her from day one."

*Unedited