Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 30

Flashback 

  Lissy stares back at me as though I have three heads when I tell her that I'm buying the baby's furniture for her room as my gift to Holland. 

  "That's a bit much, don't ya think?" she asks as she slips into bed next to me. 

  "Personally, I don't think it's enough. Which is why I'm also planning on fixing up the walls and painting the nursery, too."

  There's a loud, almost harsh, exhale coming from the other side of the bed causing me to turn my full attention to Lissy rather than my phone where all the furniture is pulled up from the store's website. "You don't agree?"

  "It's a lot for one person, Ari. I mean, you're basically refurbishing an entire room in her home."

  "Jeremy's left her in a bit of a bind and I'm trying to help as much as I can. If I could fix it all, I would. I hate what he's left for her to deal with," I breathe out, all the words beginning to fall right from my lips before giving it another thought. Felicity's face tells me she doesn't understand. "He drained his pension, there's nothing left of it. He even forged her signature on a loan that now she has to pay even though she swears she never signed anything."

  "Wouldn't it make more sense for her to sell the house then? Rather than fixing it all up. I mean, she could get a small apartment for a lot less and then surely that would be enough to pay off the loan, right? Maybe that's how you can help her, encourage her to get out of the debt rather than continue to sit in it."

  I shake my head. "She deserves to be in that house. To be in their house, not some apartment that has seen new tenants every couple of years. To be in a home that holds happy memories of Holland and Jeremy, a place where the baby can hopefully feel her dad's presence one day."

 "No one did anything like that for me when I was having your son."

  I bite back the agitation that's starting to rise as I begin to see what Lissy's trepidation actually is for. I'm giving Holland everything I never gave her.

  "Lissy," I say quietly, setting the phone on the bedside table before I turn over and face her. I rest my hand on her leg. "Look at me." When she doesn't follow my ask, that same hand tilts her head in my direction and I see the smallest build up of tears sitting, waiting to be released. "Baby, I would've done the same for you if I had known about Mason."

  Her eyes fall to the navy sheets between us. "How do I know that though, Ari? That's all in the past now."

  "Exactly," I respond, my thumb grazing the apple of her cheek. "I can't change the past, but I'm trying to make the corrections now, sweetheart. That's one of the reasons why I'm working on this house, as well. I want to make sure you and Mason are taken care of and kept as safe as can be, now. I couldn't do it then, but I can now."  I lean in with a tender kiss, a punctuation to my promise.  It's enough to settle her mind as she slides in closer next to me as I lay on my back. When I think she's drifting off I go back to my cell and begin to place the order for Holland's furniture.

  I don't bring up the fact that she never told me about Mason until a few months ago. I don't tell her that I'd have happily done everything for her if she had told me that I was going to be a father as soon as that line showed up on the test. I don't tell her that we'd probably be married for at least four years by now with the possibility of another child already here or well on its way.

End Flashback

  

  I stroll through the hospital Monday morning, making my way up to the floor for my physical. I've been itching to get back to work, although I've loved the chance to spend more time with Mason. There's been something heartwarming to get to be the one to take him to school and pick him up at the end of the day with a trip to grab ice cream and a stop at the nearby park. 

  Living the domestic life is something I didn't know I'd actually desired. I mean, I remember feeling the pang of jealousy when seeing Holland and Jeremy tie the knot, but even then I don't think that this is what I wanted. The idea of being with one woman for more than a couple of dates didn't stick out too far in my mind as a desire then. But knowing that I already had a family with no knowledge of it? Knowing now that I've lost five years with my son, that I'd be happily married now to his mother? It's a hard pill to swallow when you're slapped in the face of the life you didn't know you wanted. 

  I'm so far off in my own little world that it takes a strong pull on my arm to get me to stop walking to my destination. "What are you doing here?" my sister asks.

  "Good morning to you too, sister dear." I lift my arm in a welcoming hug. "Did you forget? I'm getting cleared today," I remind her, grinning.

  "Or, so you hope," she teases, her hand thumping my chest. "Don't give me that look. I'm hoping so, too. Although then that means I'm more likely to see you in our ER again, which doesn't make me happy. Think we can work out some deal to keep you off the truck, like forever?"

  "Funny, ha ha. Listen, I've gotta go. I'll stop by after if you're still going to be here? They said it's a very thorough physical, whatever that means. Could take a couple hours."

  She nods, starting to walk backwards away from me. "I'll be here. I think Holland's coming in a little early after her appointment as well." 

  "Then I guess I'll see you both."

Holland POV

  "You felt the baby kick?" Joy asks as I give her the rundown of my crazy, surprise weekend. "Can I?" she wiggles her fingers out towards my belly, waiting for me to give her the go ahead.

  I laugh lightly behind my hand. "I mean, you're welcome to touch, but she hasn't done too much full on kicking since Saturday." She looks up at me with a panicked expression. "No, no. She's fine and she's moved, but the real hard 'hello, I'm here' type of thumps only come when one person speaks to her."

  "And who is that person?" she looks up at me while her hands feel around my stomach. Her eyes are bright, full of wonder with the question that may shatter my heart if I have to say it out loud.

  "That would be her Uncle Ari," the baritone voice comes out, interrupting our conversation. He steps right up, shooing Joy away from  my stomach to take her place. I look around nervously, waiting for his girlfriend to come around the corner or his son to ask why his daddy is touching his Aunt Holland's stomach and not his mommy's belly.  "Good morning, beautiful. Were you good for your Ma yesterday?" My daughter wakes up to his voice giving him her own hello. "There she is. There's my beautiful."

  I can't pull my eyes away from his large hands and how they encompass the growing swell of my stomach. My heart dropping with realization that I want nothing more than for those hands to touch me for the rest of my life.