Unwanted--BTS--Soulmate AU

Showdown

I don't know how long I laid there, curled into myself listening to those sinister words replaying over and over. It could have been five minutes or five hours for all I knew. But at some point, I felt myself breaking out of my paralysis. Maybe hearing his nasally voice over and over again  had finally sparked a reaction within my subconscious. Or perhaps I had just laid there long enough to become desensitized. But something inside of me snapped and I had suddenly had enough.

I unfurled my body from its fetal position and lurched forward on my belly, snatching up my phone, and deleting the voicemail. I blocked the unknown number before tossing my phone away from me. Slowly standing up, I turned to face myself in the mirror.

My red rimmed eyes were puffy and my hair was rumpled all to hell. I looked like dog shit, but somehow I felt stronger than I had in a long while. I stepped right up to the mirror and brought my hand up to mirror Sabrina's hand. We looked at one another for a long moment, our light hazel eyes peering into each others.

I watched myself swallow as haunting memories started to resurface. But with a savage strength that I didn't know I had, I shoved them back down into their locked box. I refused to go backwards.

I had let him define my past, but I would not let him dictate my present, nor my future. I had lost myself for too long; it was time to move forward.

I watched myself as I gritted my teeth, my eyes shining with determination. I was strong. I was allowed to feel. I was safe.

Shaking myself loose, I turned and grabbed my phone, searching for the very last song that I had danced to before the accident. It wasn't one of Yoongi's songs, thank goodness. I didn't think I could handle hearing his voice in my current state. I wasn't sure if I would fall down crying or go kick his door down to finally have a long overdue screaming match with him.

I removed my shoes and I took my hair out of its tousled braid, shaking it loose. I wanted to feel free.

Song: Blind Faith by Johnny Manuel
https://youtu.be/3HzXbBbx78U

I queued up the song and moved to the center of the room. I nervously flexed my fingers and hoped I would be able to remember the choreo but as soon as the music started pouring through the speakers, my body began to move of its own volition.

I tried to be my own savior...

As I began to slowly dance around the room, I felt my limbs releasing their tension. I bit my cheek in concentration, determined to nail every move. 

So I'm flying on blind faith...

As the chorus hit, I flew forward into a flying leap that I forgot I knew how to do. Each correct movement sparked a bit more confidence in me.

I don't look back on where I've been...

The bridge played and I pirouetted breathlessly, feeling my toes ghosting against the smooth floor.

Every day I get a little bit braver...

As the song came to an end, I lifted my arms over my head as I leaned forward in an elegant arabesque.

Silence filled the room and I straightened up, breathing heavily. I felt a small tickle on my cheek, and reached up to touch my face, surprised to find it wet. When did I start crying?

Tears were making steady tracks down my face but I just let them. Bottling every single thing up was impossible-especially after everything that had transpired in the past 24 hours.

I was tough, I had to be, but I wasn't unbreakable. I was only human, and I needed someone to take care of me from time to time too. I just wanted to be loved.