Unwanted--BTS--Soulmate AU

Surprise

Song for this chapter: Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift

It was Tuesday evening and I had just finished up my American cultural course when Lyle came slinking into my classroom. I closed my laptop and slid it into my sunflower tote as he shuffled over to me. 

"Hi Rina," he greeted me sheepishly. 

"Hi stranger," I responded. 

"Are you mad at me?"

I slowly shook my head at his worried expression. "No, not mad. Just...concerned. I feel like an afterthought." I bit my lip after the words slipped out. I immediately felt like a hypocrite saying that when I was keeping a huge secret from him. A Kim Taehyung sized secret.

He grimaced and clutched the back of his neck. 

"I'm really sorry, Rina, I didn't mean to make you feel that way. It's just...I really don't know the last time I had this much fun...or felt this happy. It is almost as if..." he trailed off. 

Lyle fell silent, just staring at me with a furrowed brow. 

"What is it, Lyle?" I was starting to feel really nervous. He usually was never this serious.

He made his way around my desk to stand in front of me and reached out to clasp both of my hands in his.

"Rina, listen. I know you think that I am engaging in some reckless behavior, but I cannot live my life boxed in by and scared of backwards societal norms and ideals. I know that somewhere out there, I do have a soulmate," he stopped and took and small breath while clasping my hands tighter.

I squeezed his hand in encouragement.

"But I don't know if I will ever meet them and what life will look like if I do. When I am with Ren, everything feels so right, like what I imagine having a real soulmate would feel like. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know what I want right NOW, and I know that this is the happiest I have felt in a while. I really, really like Ren. I think...I hope...we can be really good together. I hope you'll support me in this," Lyle finished softly and looked down at the ground. 

My eyes filled with tears. He was always so easy-going, so jovial, so quick with a joke or acerbic quip, that I sometimes forgot that he carried such heavy burdens. He was right, he did deserve this chance at happiness, and I would never begrudge him for that. 

I knew I was constantly on his case about going out to seedy places and how much time he would spend on his man of month, but it truly came from a place of concern. I wondered how often I had actually told him that. How often had I voiced my support for him out loud? I shook my head at myself. I needed to be more open with him about this. It was part of my own healing process. 

"Lyle, listen to me. I... I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel like I am not supportive of your love life. I just worry about you. I worry so much that I stay up at night thinking about you. I worry myself to sleep and I worry myself awake wondering if you are okay and if your new lover is taking care of you. I worry so much because," I took a deep breath and looked into Lyle's piercing blue eyes, "I love you."

Lyle's eyebrows shot up, but I chuckled softly and quickly continued, "Not like that you loser! You're my best friend. I love you unconditionally and I am SO incredibly glad that you are happy with Ren. I wish for you to be safe and loved-that is all I ever wanted for you. I want to share in your happiness, but you have to let me in a little bit more so that I can," I finished.

Hypocrite party of one speaking, I thought. 

Lyle smiled softly and pulled me in for a long, tight hug. He kissed my temple and murmured, "Thank you darling. Thank you. I promise not to push you away."