[Complete] Noise and Kisses {chicklit}

20

He smiles. "I just wanted to come and see you. Hang out, whatever." I look at him, confused for a moment.

"What?" He says, a little on edge.

"Nothing..."

"Can't a guy just visit his girl?"

"Your girl?"

"Yup... my girl."

My cheeks heat at his admission and the butterflies in my stomach are out in force this morning. I momentarily think of Matt, and the guilt rises again. I decide it's time to be honest. As if sensing a change in my body language, Ben eyes narrow. "What's up?" he asks, looking a little nervous.

"Do you wanna come upstairs?" His eyebrows raise at the suggestion.

"Not for that! To chat."

He half smiles and then nods towards the door. We make our way to my room and as we enter, he immediately thuds himself down onto my bed. I sit myself at my desk and face him.

"You're freaking me out...what is it?" his eyes lock onto mine and my stomach churns.

"I need to tell you something."

He looks confused.

"So yesterday, I wasn't completely truthful with you. I'd been on a Valentine's Day date. With Matt."

His eyes widen but he doesn't say anything.

"We've been on a couple of dates - nothing serious, but I get the vibe that he wants more."

"Ok..." I watch as his body goes rigid, and he bites on his lip.

"When I was with him yesterday, I spent the entire time thinking about you. That's why I came straight to your house."

Ben leans forward and then leans back, as if trying to get himself comfortable. He goes to speak, opening his mouth and then closing it again. Studying me, he clears his throat and then asks "Are you two –"

I shake my head violently and he breathes a sigh of what looks like relief.

"Ok. But last night we –" I cut him off.

"I know! The only reason I decided to take him up on that date was to desperately try to move on from you and whatever this is between us."

He sighs but nods with understanding. We sit in silence for a moment, looking at each other. My heart is beating out of my chest.

Ben breaks the frigid air, asking "So, what is this?"

My eyes widen and I can't help but feel a little blindsided. "You're asking me?!"

He half-laughs. "Fuck yeah I am - you're the one dating other people!"

I sigh. "OK, fair point."

He groans and pulls his hand through his hair. "Does Matt know?"

I shake my head.

"Ouch."

"Don't! I feel shit enough about this as it is. You and I make a right fucking pair, huh?" I say, putting my head in my hands and exhaling deeply.

He walks over, wraps his arms around me and kisses me sweetly on the nape of my neck. "That's why we're meant to be, baby," he says, trying to lighten the moment.

My heart aches at his touch. I rest my head against his arm and sigh.

"He invited me to go to Falmouth with him. It's just for a uni interview, but he wanted to 'make a weekend of it'."

I feel his arms tense. "And what did you say?"

I shift uncomfortably. "I didn't, really. It's still a few weeks away."

He lifts his arms off of my shoulders. "You're not actually planning to go, are you?" he says, a little hostility in his tone.

"I hadn't really thought about it." I admit, biting on the corner of my lip.

Ben starts pacing around the room, looking exasperated. "Holly! I know I'm not one to talk here, but you can't date him and fuck me! You can't have it both ways!"

"Shh! My parents are here!" I say, angrily.

"Sorry, but it's true!"

"I told you - I was just trying to figure out what was going on with us first." I say and mean it.

"So, what do you want, Holly?" He asks, frankly.

"I..." I open my mouth to speak, but I can't think of the words.

He kneels down in front of me and places his hands on my knees. "Look, you know I'm not good at this relationship shit. I don't know how to be a good fucking boyfriend, but I will try. If that's what you want?"

I lift my head out of my hands and stare at him in wonder. "What do you want?" I ask.

"Don't turn my question back on me," he says, raising a brow at me.

"I'm serious. It's not just about me... what do you want?"

"I want you. But I'm not good at sharing." His eyes are expectant, and my heart constricts. "So? What do you want?"

I breathe out deeply, feeling like I've been holding it in a long time. "I want you. And I'm not good at sharing either."

He pulls me in for a hug and kisses me softly on the head. "But there's no way you're going to fucking Falmouth with him – you're coming away with me."

I laugh out loud. "Oh yeah, to where?!"

He shrugs. "I don't know... next weekend. It'll be a surprise."

"Ok... you really don't have to do that..." I say, hesitantly.

"But you need to talk to Matt first. The guy's a prick, but I can't fault his taste in women. Besides, if I hadn't been such a cock in the first place, you'd never have met him."

I stand and give Ben a cuddle. "Thank you." I say into his chest.

"For what?"

"For being so understanding."

He kisses the top of my head. "Only for you. Now I just need to figure out where I'm taking you next weekend!" I giggle and hug him a little tighter.