Fight to the finish..

28

The past few days have been solely spent just me and Leah sitting and speaking. She's been constantly asking me questions about herself. I'm not sure why because I've only known her for like a year, these were questions for her mum. But deep down I hoped she was just trying to make conversation.

The letter I had wrote for her before we found out about the memory loss had been taken back. I couldn't let her read that before I have time to see if she's still my Leah after her memory comes back. And that's if it fully comes back at all, it's touch and go at the moment.

Two days ago Leah was discharged from hospital and she's been staying at her mums. This hasn't stopped her from getting Amanda to call me everyday to visit her.

That's exactly what she's done today. 9am like clockwork, Amanda messaged saying the patient has requested me to go over. I didn't mind though, it was only a 10 minute drive and Leah's company was my favourite place.

I have a game tomorrow so I won't be able to see her until afterwards, I haven't told her that yet. Letting her down or making her upset is the last thing I want to do.

Finally, it's half 9 and I'm just pulling into Amanda's driveway. For some reason since Leah's injury I have gone back to being really shy and nervous when I go to see her.

Opening her bedroom door, she smirks knowing that she can get her own way with everything whilst she's recovering but she doesn't get it easily. Nothing with Bella Thorpe is ever easy and the Leah before the accident knows that all too well.

L: Good morning, what brings you here?
B: Your neediness, just like yesterday and the day before Le
L: Okay Bella, no need to bait me out like that
B: Sorry mum
L: I'm not your mum, am I?

The fact she now questions everything because she doesn't remember anything apart from what I tell her.

B: Leah you know I'm not your mum, your mum is downstairs remember
L: Oh yeah I'm sorry
B: You don't have to apologise
L: Do you want to watch a film?
B: Yeah we can do
L: Come over here then, your side of the bed is free
B: My side?
L: Of course

We watched a film, Leah ended up falling asleep with her head on my shoulder. It was weird us being like this. I usually push her away before anything can happen but since the accident it's been like together we are completely different. I wasn't going to ruin it and bring what we were up because she'll remember it eventually, but would it be so bad if she didn't?

She woke up after about an hour and it was mid afternoon, I needed to tell her about the game tomorrow because it meant I had to leave earlier today to be able to get myself sorted. I don't know how she's going to take this.

B: Leahhhh
L: Oh god what is it
B: I have a game tomorrow so I have to leave earlier tonight and come later tomorrow if you want me to
L: Nooooo you can't go

She clung onto me like she never wanted to let go, my heart melted. She is acting so clingy and it's cute. I can't describe it.

B: I have to Le, I know you'll miss me tho

I shot her a wink, her face flushed red almost instantly and I knew that it had the effect I intended on her.

B: Going a bit red Williamson, you feeling okay?
L: Yeah I'm good

The hours flew and it was time to go home before I knew it. Saying goodbye to the needy patient would not be easy in the slightest. But I had to go back to prepare for the game. I was unprepared as it is because I haven't been to training in a week.

B: Le it's time for me to go, if you need anything call me okay?
L: I need youuuuu
B: I'll be back after the game tomorrow, once your memory is back you'll be back on the field too and we can play together again
L: I need to say something
B: Go on
L: I know the accident happened and I don't remember what we were like before yet but I'm judging you on what I have seen over the past week, I think I like you Bella. I don't remember what it's like to like someone, but I know that I can't stop smiling around you and I can't stop thinking about you when we're apart.

Wow. I am speechless. I don't know what to say. I can't say anything. Not when she can't remember anything from the past. I can not be attached emotionally to her when she could be completely different after the memories come back. She might remember everything and hate me for how I have treated her over the year we've been in contact. I need to run away. Like now.

I kiss her head and make a quick exit, saying bye to Amanda on the way out. I just wish her memory would come back, then I would know where we stand and how we can move forward.

I love her. But until I'm certain that she remembers everything and is still sure. I can't pursue anything with her.

I got home and the overthinking took over. The thoughts turned to tears, the tears turned into a breakdown and by the end of the night I was curled up in a ball in mine and Beth's bathroom. Beth was staying at Viv's luckily so I could break down in peace.

For the life of me I could promise anyone that the world just didn't want me to sleep tonight, I decided to get a shower to try and cool the emotions off. But it did the exact opposite and when I got out I decided I needed to message Leah before I can sleep.

Leah❤️

Hey you, I'm sorry for running out
earlier, I'm just very stressed. Do you
want me to come and see you
tomorrow? After the game? Xx

Of course I do, why aren't you sleeping?
Don't stress about running out. I didn't
expect a reply from you. I just needed to
tell you how I feel about you xx

I understand that Le, I'm just cautious.
I don't want to progress things with you
until your memory has come back. When
it does, we need a chat about things. I need
to get some sleep anyways.
Goodnight patient xx

I completely understand you, night Bels
Thank you for everything and I'll see you
tomorrow xx

And with that I finally have the closure I needed to get some sleep before the game tomorrow. But what will tomorrow mean for me and Leah. Will she remember anything? She will choose that she wants nothing to do with me? As soon as her memory comes back I can give her the letter, explain the past and sort things out. Until then I'll have to hurt whilst she heals.

Author

Sorry for the delay in publishing I've had some personal problems. I appreciate you all baring with me. I will try to be more regular again now.

What is next for Leah and Bella? Will Leah remember everything about them? Or will she only get some parts of her memory back?

What do you guys want to happen longer term? All ideas are highly appreciated.

Thank you all xxx