Diamond: The Promise

Chapter 26 "I keep on trying to let you go"

~Iria~

30/3/24

Screaming all that at Medad felt therapeutic, it was something I had been thinking about a lot. Who did I have left? I know that I met people who seem to care about me, Molly is one of those new people and I guess I should add J.D to the list of people I can rely on but...

At the end I somehow always feel like it's Ethan and I left alone against the world.

I mean, some months ago I also thought I added people to my list that would stay forever but they didn't. How can they expect me to feel confident again if any new friend I make I had this feeling that it's not going to last?

Yesterday it felt good to share some of my main traumas, I didn't even regret it, the cigarette I stole from Medad felt great to. He fell silence until he and Erin left some minutes later, I overheard J.D asking him to don't bring Erin ever again what made me shrug.

Erin wasn't the problem as much as I was starting to dislike her. I don't believe anyone is the problem but myself.

Yesterday I stayed over at J.D's, the following day I had to go to work early in the morning with Molly so it wasn't such a bad a idea, though I didn't sleep at all. I spent most of the night hugging J.D's sheets against my naked body as I looked up to the ceiling, thinking about everything

In a few days it will be the twins' birthday, it's hard to believe it has already been a year since I threw that birthday party for Chrystal in the boarding school's gym... The nostalgia was a feeling that felt painful to me, I had already spent days of this week broke down in bed because of that feeling and it stressed me to think that was going to be my life for now on.

But what could I do? You don't choose who you fall for, neither do you choose who you suffer most for.

The only hope I had left in my body was that sentence that so many people had said to me. "Getting through the first anniversary is always the roughest part."

Did that mean that once there has already been a year from every memory I had left with him then the pain will slowly start to fade? I hoped it would.

༄ ❅ ༄

I entered my workplace by Molly's side although we soon separated, we were models if you could call it that. Molly was the one who dragged me into her agency, she's been working here for something more than two years, unlike me she dreamed with becoming a profesional model of those who modeled down incredible catwalks wearing clothes from famous designers. Her height allowed her to become a catwalk model yet she didn't model in too important fashion shows. I instead could just model for the shoots the agency gave me.

I guess every little girl has once believed models were cool, we all liked to look pretty in the photos what that didn't mean I thought I was good for this job when Molly mentioned it to me. I don't know how to pose however that seemed to be what the agency liked, my professionalism, that it consisted in me staying stern. I didn't smile in the photos what they seemed to like when I first auditioned for the work, they told me it gave me naturality what many models lacked of.

Sure that naturality may be because I showed up without a drop of makeup, wearing jeans and a white hoodie.

I just did what they asked me, if they told me to look at the camera I did it and if they told me to smile, I forced the best smile I could.

I entered the room where the makeup artists prepared models for their shoots then sat on an empty chair, there were just two models there so I assumed this morning would be a calm one.