Karen
After church was over today, I went back home to get a good night's rest for tonight because tomorrow I would be leaving to go back home. I just couldn't believe how stubborn I had been in not going to church after I had made a promise to God to go back to church. I can't believe I had let myself backslide. But I now know that my Lord and Savior is married to the backslider. So, I took comfort in that voice knowing that God has always had my back even when I wasn't doing right. But I was no longer going to abuse His grace and mercy anymore.
I was intentionally going to grow some more within my faith and follow Jesus like I had promised Him before there was no turning back this time. I was going to stay with Him through thick and thin. Before, I went to sleep I said my prayers something I realized I failed to do while I was at home, and I was still here after everything including the deadly beating that I had endured. That's when I knew, God really cared about me and my safety no matter how many times I had disappointed, Him. He was right there for me and I appreciated that and I was no longer going to take that for granted.
I also realized that after I finished saying my bed time prayers that I had at least made sure that all of my kids knew them but I hadn't stayed on top of them to make sure that they were actually saying them. I just knew that when I would go back home tomorrow we were gonna have a family meeting about what I had experienced, because I didn't just want myself to know the joy of the Lord that I had re-gained again I wanted my family to experience it as well but in the best way possible.
So, now I finally went to sleep after getting re-acquainted with God and thanking Him for everything that He has done for me. I was just so glad that He'd gave me another chance to live not only for my family but for Him as well. Because I know I was literally on my death bed in that hospital. I could've been dead right along with my unborn child that was killed and even though that was a painful memory for me I now have peace in my soul about the entire thing. I just know that everything is going to be alright. I was so sure of it because I knew that God held me in His hands like He had the whole world in His hands.
The next morning when I woke up, I had gotten ready and made myself some breakfast something that I had stopped doing as well because I was just always on the go it seemed like not even trying to take care of myself as I should. So, I knew that was why I was feeling a bit off because I hadn't been eating right at all. This going to church again was going to be the thing that I had needed to keep me and my family going. We were going to need a village with us. I knew we had to find us a good church home to attend and so I started to think about the churches that was surrounded by our neighborhoods.
There wasn't going to be no, if's, and's, or but's about going back to church. I was going to make sure that my family was going to go and that we were all going to be spirit filled. Because I had learned that even when we don't feel like going to church that's the best time to go to church. After getting my deliverance in church it was like I couldn't get enough of the Lord and I needed more of Him. I had even found a new Bible app on my iphone and downloaded it. There wasn't gonna be any excuses from me not to read my Bible because if anything even if I didn't study it I could always read the verse of the day to start out with and that's exactly what I did.
This time I wasn't going to let go of the Lord's hand because I know He didn't let go of mine and again I was just so thankful that He didn't let me go when He very well had the chance to let me go. I looked at the clock and it was still a couple of minutes left until I was leaving to go back home today. I just had to take the time to do some self-reflection and reflect on what had happened at church again. This time I knew that God had gave me discernment to hear His voice and to know when He was talking to me and I could no longer ignore Him like how I had been ignoring Him before. I took my time to apologize to Him again for my wrong-doings and repented of my sins before going upstairs and grabbing my bags to go home.
