Striptease // Ateez // OT8 x femreader // *m*

52 - bland

The boys had agreed to move to new dorms. There wasn't much joy in getting new apartments, new furniture, new rooms. They packed up their things, throwing out a lot of junk, and it felt like leaving behind a huge part of their past. Were they ready?

San and Wooyoung invited everyone over to their new place just a few days after the move. They kept the mood up, making the others sing karaoke with them, laughing, being happy and loud. It was a front. Hongjoong saw it. Maybe the others did too, but nobody said anything. They tried to go along with it.

Seonghwa knew he wasn't dealing with it very well. He watched the others at least try to get on with their lives. He didn't know how to do the same. Life was so bland now. Food didn't taste much. Lego was boring. Singing gave him nothing. Exercising felt meaningless. He felt grey. Like it didn't matter what he wore, all colors looked monochromatic to him. He couldn't care less what kind of hairstyle they gave him. Life was bland. 

He was mad at Maya, but it was KQ he hated. He hated the entire board, the managers, every single person who went along with this. It was their fault Maya had left. He was mad at her, but he did understand her reasoning. She didn't want to be the reason Ateez failed. He understood, but that wouldn't have happened. KQ would be the reason for that.

«What are you thinking about, hyung?»

Yunho broke into his thoughts.

«Maya,» Seonghwa answered before he could even think about it.

Yunho was surprised by the confession, but he didn't stop.

«Do you think about her a lot?»

«Far too much,» Seonghwa admitted. «Do you?»

«Yeah, every day. But it's getting better. I'm lucky, I have Min.»

«Yeah,» Seonghwa said. He didn't want to be bitter, but it was thanks to Maya's sacrifice that Yunho and Mingi were living together now.

«Do you think she's okay?»

Yunho's worried voice made Hwa look at him.

«She's strong and smart and talented. I'm sure she's okay.»

«But do you think she's sad, like us?»

«I...» Seonghwa felt his anger toward her start to crumble. He knew Maya so well, knew how much love she carried in her heart. «Yeah, she's probably sad too.»

«She didn't leave because she wanted to,» Yunho said, tears evident in his voice.

«No, she left because she loves us.»

«It's fucking heartbreaking to think about.»

«She did it for our futures,» Seonghwa said. He had to say it out loud. «For our careers. For our dreams to become idols.»

«She knew how much we've sacrificed to get here,» Yunho said quietly.

«Yeah.»

Seonghwa didn't voice his immediate thoughts. He would have given it up in a heartbeat if it meant getting her to stay. He felt bad, but it was the truth. No amount of fame or money or ... it would never be worth it. But she would still feel like it was because of her, and that's why there was no way of making it work.

Hongjoong looked at the man across the table from him. They had only met once before, a few weeks earlier. Now he had wanted to meet again.

«Do you have any results?» Joong asked, leaning forward on the table. They had ordered coffee to make it look like any two friends hanging out, but Hongjoong was practically shaking.