Hybrid (DreamNotFound)

Jealous

George POV

14th November 20XX

I have been thinking all day and night and I still can't come to any conclusions. I'm still pissed off at Dream though. I outed all my feelings to him while I thought he was not conscious and turns out he was listening all time long!! But then he sorta said he was also thinking about similar stuff as me. I don't believe that, he's got to be playing with me. Making fun of me. And that is exactly why I didn't even want him to know in the first place. I hardly let anyone know of these kind of things because then they can make fun of it. Which I try to avoid all my life long. What an idiot I just am for having done that.
I wasn't even ready and now he knows, if he's even that smart. If he knows about that kind of stuff. I can't even bring myself to write the word down in the diary, it sounds stupid. Because it is. And I'll make myself a fool out of it.

I guess I just have to live with it, wait until these feelings pass and then I'll be fine. They're probably just something else anyways and not what I think they are. If I accept them and then Dream does end up dying at some point, I feel like I won't survive it either. I would be hurting for ages. Hurting about having lost someone and then because of the fact that I promised something and couldn't fulfill it. I'd rather have Quackity end me before I see Dream's death, that's what I'm a 100% certain about.

Apropos Quackity, he had now lost an eye because of Dream. It technically is my fault because he tried to protect me when I was about to be beaten up by Quackity. If it wasn't for me, all of this, then Dream wouldn't be in danger in the first place. He would've had the normal fate as any other hybrid because I doubt Wilbur would get attached to him like he did with Fundy. Dream looks pretty much like a grown man, but Fundy was young. Of course I get attached to some man..... It's fucking ridiculous, and I hate myself for bringing it onto my life and making Dream's life harder too. Even if I can't control it, I still can't stop blaming myself.

My diary was laying open on the floor next to my bed as I was just being a slacker under my blanket. I stared at the ceiling with a blank expression, rethinking about the things I wrote down about ten minutes ago.

I wasted yesterday away.

All I did was bring Dream his hoodie, grabbed my pillow from his cell and went into my room to go straight to bed. I had finished half my coffee and just lied there, thinking about the morning and fell asleep for a couple of hours after crying, letting it all out.

The rest of the day I was awake and stayed in bed, then realized I haven't eaten the entire day. Gotten even more depressed from all the thinking in isolation and fell asleep again in the middle of the night.

Now I look to the digital clock on my desk and seems like I have woken up at 9 am. Wrote some things into my diary and now here I am, still lying in bed.

I can't get up, I'm too exhausted. I still feel like I haven't slept in days. But my stomach is rumbling, feeling like it's starting to eat me in revenge for not giving it anything.

I need a shower as well, as I am still slightly covered in some of Dream's blood, but at least I have changed into other, clean clothes. The old ones have to be washed, just like my coat that I let Dream keep when I was too upset to think of a different decision in that moment. I should get it back soon. But when is soon?

I wish I had a phone to ask someone to bring me some of the things such as food because I know I won't function physically if I refuse to eat even though I don't feel like eating.

Despite me feeling like absolute shit, I still can't help but think of Dream. Dream for his safety and well-being . It's pissing me off how everytime I think of him, my heart starts pounding stronger and I feel my stomach getting heavier from that one specific feeling and the worry. And it isn't pleasent on an empty stomach. Like, at all.