Since we were 7 { Pablo Gavi }

28. Better alone

I didn't sleep last night. I hate myself for it but I was watching Gavi sleep, making sure he didn't have a bad reaction to the pill he took. I sat in the dark with tear stained cheeks.

I roll over to check the time on my phone. 7 a.m.

I get up from the bed careful not to make too much noise. I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, do my hair and makeup then go back out to get dressed. I throw on leggings and a white crop top.

I grab my phone from the bed, and my airpods from my bag. I walk to the door and look at Gavi on the floor before rolling my eyes and walking out.

I take the spare key on the counter and go out the door. I walk with my head down, to the elevator, to back training room and out the door and onto the pitch.

I put my airpods in and start stretching. I do mini shuffles, in and outs again then juggling. I take shots on goal but nothing makes it feel better.

I drop to the ground against the goalpost and burry my face in my hands. Tears gather in my eyes again and I sit there and cry.

I shouldn't have came here.

I should've fucking stayed home.

That's wouldn't have helped either.

Everyone was mad at me back home too.

I want to go home.

I need someone to help me.

I need help.

I don't want to ask for help.

I don't want to seem broken.

I can't keep taking pills to escape it either.

Pedri knows about the pills.

What am I going to say to him.

How am I going to get out of that one.

Gavi's pissed at me.

He doesn't care about me.

I shouldn't have helped him.

But I know what that feels like and it burns.

It hurts.

I helped him like I should've.

I still don't want to see him.

I don't want to talk to him.

Ansu saw me crying.

Ansu knows the drama now.

He can help me. Right?

No, I don't want help.

I can do it myself.

I'm better alone anyway.

I don't need anyone.

I can do it myself.

I don't need anyone.

I argue with myself. I look up still crying and look at the field I'm on. This is home. I tell myself. I need one thing in life, futbol.

I get up from the ground and laugh at myself. I'm crying. No more crying. I kick the soccer ball into the goal then take off running.

No more pity Brylie. I do things for myself, not for anyone else. Badass Brylie is starting again. Don't give a shit Brylie is starting again.