hostage || l.t ✔️

thirty nine

Louis Tomlinson
When I opened the door, London looked at me with a look, jumping up on me, wrapping her arms and legs around em, throwing me off guard but when she starts crying I bet horrible thoughts of what happened so I lean against the wall and hug her back.

I coo to her, trying to calm her down but nothing. "Lon, what happened?" I coo. "Are you okay?"

She nods. She pulls away and crashes her lips to mine. I was again, thrown of guard but I kiss her back and hold her thighs. She puts one leg on the floor, I let go of the other one so our bodies were touching completely.

She pulls away and I wiped the big tears form her eyes. "Lon..." I turn her head to see a hickey on her neck, right above her collar bones though. "Did Harry hurt you?"

"No, Harry was gentle with me, it's..." she gulps and when she looked right into me eyes, she started crying again. "I'm sorry," she apologises.

"Baby, why?" I was so confused.

She pulls away again. "Amelia told me...everything," she cries into my chest again and I freeze. "About your dad, your childhood, what really happened between you and Anita,"

I've never felt myself be more emotional in my life in one sentence but I clench my jaw, praying to god I wasn't going to cry on the spot. I never cry. "Louis.." she cups my jaw and makes me look down at her. "I'm so sorry," she bites her lip and frowns.

"She told you everything?"

She hesitates but nods. "Like what?"

"Anita...assaulted you...and you didn't want to tell me and I understand,"

My heart sinks, and she saw it in my eyes. I swallow. "Why didn't you tell me..?" she whispers.

"It's it something I wanna bring up," I snap. "So don't bring it up, if Amelia told you, then...it's on her and you,"

"I know you've got diagnosis'...And I'm sorry..for ever pissing you off, to the point where you get really angry," she apologised. I just swallow. "I understand now,"

"I take pills for them, they're just...very hidden because it's embarrassing," I admit. Having anger issues is annoying for me, but I just have to put up with it.

"A mental illness isn't something to be embarrassed by, Lou," she soothes.

I snap my eyes to her. She just called me Lou, my eyes sink closed and I open them again. "Well, Im embarrassed by them," I shrug.

"Im sorry about your dad, he didn't deserve to rest you like that, and Im sorry for bringing it all up, but what I'm trying to say is...I understand you,"

I shake my head. "You'll never understand me,"

"You slept around to deal with everything that went on, used drugs, alcohol and cigarettes to cope, didn't you?"

Maybe she had got me worked out. I look at her and flick my eyes over hers. "But, you liked sleeping with Erin the most so you eventually got really close to her, and she did the same,"

"Did Amelia tell you everything?" I still don't believe it.

"Yes. I understand you, even if you think I won't understand you, I do,"

I put her down and I push her back a judge so I can close the door and distract myself. I had a shit childhood, I was literally taken from my mom, and I never got to see her. I have a photo of her crouched next to me as I was doing warm ups for my dad, before he beat me to get into the routine he wanted.

I keep it hidden because again, I miss her so much, and Amelia reminds me so much of her, and the story of how she died is so sad and I wish I was there for her, for the both of them.