HOLDING YOU

Chapter 46- Fire And Ice

"Trust me, you can do it." She says.

"Okay." I inhale, hold my breath to steady myself and do her eyeliner. She looks at the mirror and claps her hands in appreciation. I think I did a good job.

"I think we should go back inside the house," Siya says. Okay, maybe I didn't do a good job.

"Why?"

"Because I've received my award."

"What award?"

"What could be a bigger award than the CEO doing your eyeliner for a party? That too perfectly in the first go." She giggles.

"You're lucky enough," I say.

"Why?" She wiggles her eyebrows. I laugh.

"Because I never do anyone's eyeliner." I smile. She swats my arm and covers her mouth dramatically.

"What?" I ask her, amused. She removes her hand and looks at me.

"I think you're in love with me." She laughs. I hold the side of her beautiful face and tug a strand behind her ear.

"I am," I admit. She smiles.

"Then it's not a problem, I too am in love with you." She says against my palm. I start driving to the hotel and reach the building. I get out of the car and open her door. Siya comes out and we walk inside. Her hand wrapped around my arm. Everyone starts hooting and clapping for this badass who just took the bank to the next level. I admire her so much. I let go of her, telling her to talk to people. She looks at me. Nervous.

"How will I... They're such huge personalities. I'm just a..." I feel shocked at her words.

"Oh, come on. They have come here for you. To meet you, to congratulate you. This evening is all yours." I smile at her.

"Kabir, I just made a presentation. That's it. This party is not required, I didn't do anything." She says it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm well acquainted with Siya Mehra and her habit of belittling herself, of underestimating herself. I love the lack of self-awareness she has, I love the way she gets vulnerable thinking of herself as nothing when somewhere down the line she knows that she's the fucking best, that she deserves to rule. But, an over modest woman she is...

Luckily, some people come to her and start talking. She seems awkward and nervous at first but then, she's the only one speaking, the only one who says, the only one whose words make sense. I go to the bar and take a drink. I keep looking at her, smiling, shaking hands, laughing and talking. She's so dynamic, so brave yet so vulnerable. She's so complete with her perfections and her even mesmerising imperfections, she's so different, one of a kind... And she's all mine. Huh, the universe- zero, Kabir Singhania- one. Nitin walks over to me and we share a handshake.

"You're lucky, beauty with brains." He compliments me but I don't find it flattering. Who the hell made up this fuck all shitty line? Who said that a woman could be only beautiful or only brainy? Most of the women I know are both beautiful and brainy. My mum, my girlfriend, my best friend's girlfriend, my girlfriend's daughter, Ashley, Kavya, everyone. Yes, one gender that fits in the line is men. Handsome with brains. And I'm probably the only one I know who falls in the category. This asshole beside me is just good-looking, Siya's husband and her father are good-looking. None of them got anything under their skull. I look at the idiot who I made very obvious to myself, doesn't have the brain to understand my logic.

"Thank you." I simply reply.

"You guys planning to get married?"

"Not anytime soon, she needs time."

"Till you promote her?" He shrugs. I picture myself picking him up in the air and throwing him, flying across the hall. I find my fingers shaking, ready to take action. I take a huge gulp of my drink to calm myself down. It does. My anger is replaced by turmoil. I feel so ashamed to be a man, to be a part of a dick-owning community comprising of full-time dick heads, beings who have such a disgusting and narrow bent of mind. I wish I was a woman, no, I don't think I have the balls to survive like one. Firstly, their body. Periods, massive changes, pregnancy, childbirth and secondly, society. Dealing with the shit of a gender I, unfortunately, belong to. Staring, greedy, self-obsessed, disrespectful and oppressive fuckers. I wish I was gay. Yes, that's good. I wish I was gay. I look at the son of a bitch.

"She doesn't need me to get herself promoted. She has enough potential." I say.

"Then what makes her wait for so long."

"I think the fact that she's minding her goddamn business for a while could be a factor." I indirectly tell him to fuck off. He does.

The party continues and I'm eagerly waiting to get a chance to dance with Siya. Some or the other ass takes her and I keep looking at her. She looks happy. I wonder if she feels so low on herself even after being independent, respected and powerful, how she would have felt when she had nothing and was married to Vivaan. Did he take her with himself to parties? Did he care if someone misbehaved with his wife? Did he introduce her to all the people of the banking world? Did she feel bad about herself? Did she talk to people? At the bottom of my heart, I know the answers. I feel bad that I know them. I see Siya lowering her head and looking here and there as if not wanting to be seen, she quickly tiptoes in my direction and holds my hand.

"What happened?" I ask as she pulls me.

"Come, let's dance." She says. Universe- zero, Kabir Singhania- two.