Welcome to the world of hell (DSMP)

chapter 36 (depression)

you would think that I would have ideas after 6 days of not writing. Well your wrong. I have nothing still.

I stared right through wilbur. everyone's eyes are on me.
"it was all my fault. the blood is on my hands. literally."
I spoke as I looked back down to my hands to see them bleeding. it probably got bloody when I punched the stone.

***

I was back to being locked in my room. I didn't want to leave. I would always ask myself if there was a different way that he wasn't dead.
'dream'
a voice whispered in my head. it continued and got louder.

Tommy walked in.
"hey y/n, are you okay?"
"dream.."
"whay about him?"
Tommy spoke with venom lacing his voice once he heard his name.
"that's what they keep saying."
"who is 'they'?"
I didn't answer.

Tommy walked over to me and sat beside me. he repeated the question with worry and comfort in his voice.
"who is 'they'?"
"where is dream?"
"why do you need dream?"
"I need dream."

tommy sighed and walked out of the room. I think an hour passed. a man with a white mask walked in.

"Tommy said you wanted me. what the fuck happened to you? you cut connections completely! and your room is a mess!"
dream scolded me. it didn't matter. I should be used to it anyways.

the voices spoke again.
'revive book'
what is that?
"revive book."
I repeated the voices.
"why do you need that? how do you even know of it?"
dream asked. no one told me of the revive book and he made sure of that. he would always keep an eye on me and what people said to me.

"the voices..they say I need it, "
I turned to face him and got up. I grabbed his hand and covered them between mine. a small blush appeared on his face.
"help me revive techno."
I said plainly.

"what?! Is that all you wanted me here for? just to revive your dead boyfriend! it isn't that easy. you should just move on."
he was pissed. oh well. if he won't help me, then I'll make him. or I'll find a different way.

***

my room was a mess. it would continue to be a mess. I couldn't find another way to revive him and I begged for dream to. I think I should just give up. but I can't. I can't just give up on the person I love.

Lucky pov:

I was trying to escape the house lately. me seeing y/n wouldn't help them nor me. I always visited ranboo. he was great comfort. but then I stopped visiting him as well.

since I am apart of y/n, I also had feelings for techno. but I was more stable. I could control my feelings. but y/n was different. they had their own emotions now. I couldn't make them feel happy or get over his death.

one day, y/n was outside after so long. they needed to get some fresh air anyways. I took this opportunity to investigate their room. I haven't seen what it looked like since they would always lock me out.

I open the door to see piles of bottles and crushed cans littered and carelessly thrown across the room. my gaze slowly went off the floor to look at the wall in front of the desk.

the wall had a pinboard. the pinboard had various drawings and pictures. the was papers scattered across the table and a THICK brown book in the middle.

the drawings were a book called 'the revive book'. it had many designs. as I got closer, I saw many discriptions of this book and failed re-make. finally, many failed ways to bring someone back..

"what are you doing in my room?"
I got too interested in investing the papers and drawing that I didn't even realise that y/n was standing at their door. I quickly slipped the book on the table in my small bag that I had. I would need to read it later.

they told me to leave and I did so. I had what I wanted anyways. I rushed to my room to read this book. as I flipped through pages, it seemed to be a book with a few scratches, writing and other things. then I reached one page. it was slightly burned but was still readable.

'techno is not dead.'
'he can be revived.'
'i keep hearing voices.'
'I resently asked dream if he could revive techno. he said no.'

I was already creeped out by the sentences. what do they mean when they said that they 'hear voices'?

it creeped me out more once they started to speak in third person.
'y/n is getting sick.'
'y/n is depressed.'
'y/n won't eat.'
'philza is helping y/n'
'y/n thinks that wilbur is going insane again.'
'y/n thinks they found a way to help get through this.'

there was one sentence that was in bold letters and scribbled out at the bottom.

'I hope upon my death.'
there was a random date at the bottom. the date has already passed. was they thinking of committing suicide? but they didn't? what was going on?

y/n pov:

I look over my balcony. I wanted to. commit suicide a few days ago. I would see my beloved. but I didn't. it would be selfish. techno couldn't control his death. but I can. for now at least.

it would be selfish for me to just jump. everyone close to me would be depressed just because I wanted to see the one I loved.

I look over the railings again, re-thinking about me life. that's it. I made my decision. I don't care anymore.

I'm going to jump.

but something stopped me. it wasn't the voices. it wasn't techno or lucky. it was myself. I was the one that stopped.

I looked at my shaking hands. what was I doing to myself and the people around me? I was the one that made them upset. jumping wouldn't help.

I out my arms on the railing.

maybe I could except his death after all.

a sigh left my lips. I look up into the sky.
"I miss you, my love."
I whisper before going inside, excaping from the cold breeze.

once I got inside, I saw the first few snowflake drop.

I couldn't help but smile.

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OKAY! I DID ITTT! YESS!

I haven't really been updatimg since I have another book I'm also trying to update and also athour block is slowly going. school is hard as ever and relationships are going crazy.

it's going a bit more steady rn. I've also been trying to fix my sleep schedule. that's good.

next one is acceptance. let's see where this goes.

I've also been planning to change the name of this story. I don't really like 'welcome to the world of hell' anymore. I would appreciate it if you vote for these names or make up some names.

'broken love'

'glass love'

'the difference between me and you'

'the one that separated us'

byeeeeee! have a great rest of your day!